A Nibnabit Life

Merry Christmas

2011-12-14T18:52:00.002-06:00

I always say that this time of year is going to be slower than it has been in years past.

This year, that has been partially true.

In November, I found a crack in my leg. Cracks in prostheses are NOT a good thing. Skin gets pinched, stability gets compromised...in short, just makes walking a fairly painful affair.

The process of making a new leg began. It isn't a short process because it is so much easier to make changes before making the final socket (top part of the leg). After several test sockets and much gratefulness to my leg guy for working so hard to get the right fit, I have a new leg as of yesterday.

There were some issues that will necessitate some tweaks--there always are. I'm currently in the "living with it" phase to see just what tweaks need to be made. At the end of the process, I'm always amazed that something that isn't naturally a part of me somehow becomes a part of me. In fact, during the time I've been without a leg, I've learned again how much I hate just sitting!

Despite the trips to the leg place and Jeff's incident with the stairs (he fell down a flight of stairs and broke his collarbone--we were actually thankful for the broken bone; it could have been so much worse), we've managed to get the house decorated though not quite as much as usual. Lists have been made and gifts bought. Christmas plans have been made.

We are all ready for the Christmas break. Time with family, time with each other--just time!

In case I don't get back here before Christmas, have a very Merry Christmas!

Up All Night & Demises

2011-11-12T19:17:00.003-06:00

Last night, Gracen had her first ever lock-in. She was very excited, needless to say.

She stayed up all night. She is currently staring bleary eyed at her computer, biding her time until it is deemed cool (by 12 year old standards) to go to bed.

And I realized, again, that if one member of the household stays up all night the other members essentially do too. They get to share by proxy.

This day has been a day of demises in our house. I lost what I thought was a pretty good skillet--at least it was a good size. Turns out, there are truly some things that just won't come off.

I also happened to catch sight of the hamster cage. I don't generally look in on Cookie--I appreciate her from afar. She was curled up in the wheel.

Closer inspection revealed that she was, in fact, dead. I don't know whether she was running on the wheel and just couldn't go anymore--hamster coronary, if you will, or whether it was just her time to go. I have a rather sinking feeling that perhaps her food bowl didn't get filled quite as often as it should have.

Cooking rice for supper resulted in another lost cooking vessel. Doesn't take long for the water to cook out and the rice to stick--especially when you walk outside for just a few minutes.

So we are down 2 pans and a hamster.

Two of those things will go on my Christmas wish list; one most definitely will not.

I think showers for about to be married people are ill-timed. Couples really need showers at about 15-20 years in. A celebration for not having killed each other :) and a replacement for all things household!

I'm off to do that southern Saturday tradition--hello, pigskin; Go Hogs! Think I'll also convince my kid that 7:30 is really a cool time to go to bed...

I'm Just Curious...

2011-11-09T19:41:00.003-06:00

It is November 9. Halloween was about two weeks ago. Christmas is 6 weeks away.

Last I checked, there is a holiday between the two. That holiday for turkey and football lovers alike.

Thanksgiving.

But I've noticed something. It's become sort of tradition for stores to go from Halloween to Christmas with nary a thought to Thanksgiving, save for sales on the bird.

But this year seems different.

I don't watch a lot of TV but I've noticed that there are no (at least that I've seen) commercials for Thanksgiving. Usually there are some scattered about reminding us to stock up on green beans and french fried onions for the green bean casserole. Stores are completely decorated. Christmas music is playing round the clock on a local radio station. Christmas trees are going up.

So I'm curious--what about Thanksgiving? Is it a non-issue? Are we so ready to rush time that already charges at supersonic speed?

I guess I just wonder why Thanksgiving seems to be the step-child of the holiday season. Is it as simple as there are no gifts or candy give aways associated with it? Is it because there aren't really decorations associated with it? Has it been reduced to another long weekend that just happens to have an overflow of food and football?

Perhaps Thanksgiving isn't thought of much because it requires something of us. To have a day set aside for giving thanks implies that we actually are thankful, that we realize we have things for which we are undeserving. It implies that we recognize that those things, blessings if you will, come from someone.

So, yes, while I love Christmas and all the loveliness that it brings. I also deeply love Thanksgiving because it requires some reflection, some thought.

Giving thanks has a way of humbling us and grounding us so that the loveliness and meaning of Christmas can sparkle that much more.

And that is, indeed, worthy.

Happy Fall!

2011-10-24T08:51:00.002-05:00

The pumpkin has been chosen and is awaiting its new face.

Leaves are just beginning to change and blush with shades of fall.

The air is beginning (finally!) to be more crisp and cool.

A costume has been designed--it all the hippie glory one can muster for about $15 and a hour at the thrift store.

The girl who shares my love of cooler weather seems to have grown another foot between this year's pumpkin picture and last year's.

It's beginning to look a lot like fall!

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Canine Cookie Story

2011-10-14T13:10:00.006-05:00

At the moment, my kitchen cabinet is piled with sugar cookies cut into various dog shapes awaiting my girl to return home and ice to her heart's content. Given my recent diagnosis and the girl's undying affection for all things canine, dog cookies seemed far more fitting than fall leaves.

Besides I'm still waiting on fall's real arrival. Here in the deep south, we got lots of false starts to fall.

Then I noticed her.
This poor poodle with her tail broken off and her slightly curled head. Pitiful.

Indulge me a minute while I think through something.

How many times ~~during the day~~ an hour do I think pitiful in relation to myself. Especially during that cursed first hour of the day when staring into a mirror is unavoidable.

I see the scars, more numerous now than ever. I know every single detail of my inmost thoughts about my outer self that lead to the opinion (that is put into strict practice in my home) that full length mirrors have no place in what God intended to be a peaceful refuge, aka: the home.

Then it hit me. This poor poodle, complete with her missing tail and curled up head, in all probability, won't be the one that Gracen slops frosting on and devours because it's "less than".

Nope, it will be the one that she takes cares with. The one that that gets her tail glued back on with edible glue, complete with a bow. Her slightly curled head will make her head the perfect shape for an icing crown.

She will be the one that sports whatever delicious bling Gracen can find in the decorating box.

She will become more than the sum of her parts.

Every time I hurl a curse at myself because, yet again, I've chosen a Dr. Pepper, albeit a diet-caffeine free one, over water. Every time I actually ~~choose~~ choke down the water. Every time I hurl a curse at myself for wasting time on the computer or in front of the television instead of doing something much more useful and constructive with my time. Every time I actually choose to something useful and constructive with my time.

Every single time, with every single "good" and "bad" decision, I am still becoming more than the sum of my parts.

But, of course, I'm luckier than the poodle. The poodle exists to be decorated, even beautifully, and then eaten.

I know that, with each and every decision, good or bad, with each and every scar and flaw, physical and otherwise, I learn a bit more about becoming more than the sum of my parts--I'm learning more about the Creator of those parts. Hopefully, I'm looking more like the Creator and less like the creation.

So very much more than the sum of my parts, thankfully.

The Freak Show

2011-10-13T08:17:00.003-05:00

It's official. My body is some weird freak show.

The recent medical issues are a case in point. After weeks of pain in all upper body joints, I went to the doctor. As he was examining me, he mentioned that my symptoms sounded viral. He also mentioned rheumatoid arthritis and some other equally sounding nasty stuff.

I got the results of the blood work yesterday. Human Parvo. Seriously? I had to google it. I knew our dogs got vaccinated against that--and that we once had a dog drop dead when my dad gave it a Parvo vaccine at home. Dead as a hammer right there on the carport. Now it is funny (not the animal dying but the circumstances around his or her demise), when you are 6 or 7...not so much.

Turns out that in children, it is called Fifth disease and characterized by a rash. In adults, it is characterized by flu like symptoms, arthritis type symptoms, and headaches. It is viral (and not transferred to humans by animals), which means it has to run its course and its course can last several weeks up to a few months--I wish I could say I was surprised but, alas, it kind of figures.

I am incredibly thankful that this is all that it is. I just am always amazed at that relatively odd things that go on inside my body.

I'll go next week to have more blood drawn and see if the levels are going down.

In the meantime, I'll stay away from the Milk Bones and hope that Jeff doesn't make me sleep on the foot of the bed :)!

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Where Joy Is

2011-10-09T18:43:00.004-05:00

I've dealt with chronic pain for several years now. And so far, it's been somewhat manageable--though sometimes life and schedules have to be thought about more than I wish they had to be.

Over the past several weeks, there has been much more pain of a different variety. Because it has been different and ongoing, I finally broke down and visited the doctor. Blood was drawn--much, much blood.

Results should be in by Tuesday, hopefully. Things like rheumatoid arthritis and thyroid problems were mentioned. My hope at this point is that tests show something. Somehow it seems easier to hurt when you know why!

I don't know what the tests will show. I'm in that no man's land of pain without explanation, knowing something is wrong but not knowing what. The wondering if a diagnosis will change life again. The knowing that it is foolish to think too much about what it could be yet knowing that my weird brain needs to process the worst case scenario.

The tests may show something that in all honesty I'd rather not deal with, they may show something fairly easily fixable. Periods of increased pain may be in my future. There is simply no way right now to know.

Regardless of what the tests show (or don't), regardless of whether the day is pain filled or relatively pain free, regardless.... My hope, my joy doesn't rest there. It can't.

Those things change. My hope and my joy has to be anchored in something that doesn't change, that doesn't shift. Otherwise there is no hope or joy--there are only never ending questions and happiness based on circumstances, which is definitely not joy.

So, I'll wait.

I'll hurt.

I'll not understand.

BUT...

I will have joy.

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13: 5-6

31 Days::Celebrating the Ordinary

2011-10-03T18:32:00.004-05:00

I know that I'm a biased momma, but this girl is anything but ordinary.

And yet some of my favorite pictures of her are taken in the everyday, in the ordinary.

Those pictures are the ones that I find myself looking at again and again.

Again and again I'm reminded of how thankful I am for the privilege of being her mom.

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31 Days Challenge

2011-10-02T17:08:00.006-05:00

Because my blogging has been so sporadic of late (to say the least) and because my photo taking has gone right along with it. I've decided to participate in The Mom Creative's 31 Days challenge.

And, as usual, I'm late doing it!

I'm fairly new to The Mom Creative but I have loved what I've read and seen there so far. And I'm so looking forward to her 31 Days of Memory Keeping because, right along with writing and photo taking, my memory keeping needs a serious jump start.

And if you take a look at this, you will see the over 600 other participants in the 31 Days challenge!

So, what is the Celebrating the Ordinary challenge going to look like? I honestly don't know.

All I do know is there is much beauty and grace in the everyday, in the ordinary and so much of the time we I am spinning so busily, trying to juggle so many things that I fail to really stop and take a look at--and be thankful for and learn from--the very things that fill my day.

My challenge to myself is simply to stop more, to take my camera out more, to write more. I know that some days the ordinary may really stink and that's o.k. I still want to learn from it.

So, here's to celebrating those ordinary moment, the ordinary meals, the ordinary books--all those wonderful ordinary things that make up a very blessed life.

I'd love to have some company along the way!

The Extras

2011-10-02T11:04:00.004-05:00

You know there are times when you just simply have to laugh.

This morning has been one of those times.

A little background before the story:

**Resolution made long before turning the big 4-oh: I would not focus on the age but on the life. I didn't want to miss the good that the maturing ages bring because I was focused on the age itself or on the unpleasantness that may or may not accompany growing older.

**Because of the "extras" in my life (prosthesis, chronic pain, etc), I have to sort of schedule really busy days with some cushion for some down time.

**Another resolution: never, ever be afraid to find the humor--and the lesson in a situation.

Now the story...

The last several weeks have been incredibly busy for us and this week and weekend were a sort of culmination of that busy. Several of us had planned a garage/bake sale to benefit the school Gracen attends. That happened on Saturday and was far more successful than any of us thought it would be! A very good thing.

I knew that Saturday afternoon and Sunday would be sort of a question mark as to what my body would allow me to do. Saturday afternoon wasn't too bad. Clothes got washed, dinner was fixed, time was spent outside, and football was watched--good times.

By bedtime, though, things were starting to rebel like a spoiled two year old.

This morning, the two year old had blossomed into a defiant teenager.

My leg hurt, my back hurt, my shoulders hurt, and I couldn't breath because my nose still isn't quite doing right.

I had to laugh. I immediately thought of my Grandma's love for the television show The Golden Girls and remembered one scene in particular. The part I thought of begins at about 1:46.

Go, watch--I'll wait.

As I thought of the Icy Hot (that I paid for with a coupon, thankyouverymuch) I'd just put on my shoulders in an effort to be able to put on my artificial leg and dry my hair, the nose spray I'd just used in an effort to be able to breath, the lotion I'd rubbed on desert dry skin, and the Ibuprofen I'd just taken in an effort to actually bend--well, I had to laugh.

Turns out the Icy Hot didn't help so much. So now I sit, legless and flat-haired, writing about my adventures as a 40 something year old amputee with more pain than I'd like and missing worship with my family--and on a gorgeous day, I might add.

Temptation to whine, moan, and despair right there at my fingertips. It would be so easy. I'm not stronger than anyone else--I want to whine and groan. And, you know what, there are times when I do. More times than I care to admit, actually.

But then, I remember that it is simply not about me. Hopefully, my life, with all its extras, reflects something more than myself.

I firmly believe that God gives many gifts. Some are very welcome (in our way of thinking), some are not but they are gifts, nonetheless, because God gives them and because each of those precious gifts teach us something more about Him--and leaves us looking a little less like ourselves.

The Comical Version of My Life

2011-09-25T16:09:00.004-05:00

Sometimes there is simply nothing to do but laugh. Like when you make a pound cake using your best, most tasty recipe and it sticks to the pan. And not just a tiny bit, nope, the whole top of the cake stuck in the pan.

This cake was not for our family. Not that I would have felt any better about its sad, pitiful appearance.

This cake was to take to church.
In a moment of sheer brilliance, the word trifle popped into my head. Not a dessert I had ever made before. I ~~delved deep into the recesses of my mind~~ checked the Internet for ideas and the bottom cabinet to make sure I hadn't put the trifle bowl in a garage sale.

Now, I don't normally like to take a new recipe to a gathering. You just never know. Sometimes you can sneak the dish in and pick it up again without anyone knowing that it belonged to you. But not always. It's just not a chance I'm typically willing to take. But, desperate times and all.

It was pretty good. Probably would have been better had I had the liquor that the recipe called for, but there was a big game in town (Alabama versus Arkansas--and those of us with Arkansas affinities won't even mention the score) and going to the liquor store on game day is only for the very brave or very desperate. I was neither.

You see, I was trying to get the cake made because I had a special dinner to cook Friday night. Jeff and I were going to "celebrate" our 18th anniversary (which was technically Sunday but between the morning service, the lunch after service, the choir rehearsals, and the Sunday night service there simply wasn't time to celebrate). I had gotten some snapper, a favorite of Jeff's and was going to make a nice dinner at home.

Due to some circumstances beyond his control, Jeff ended up not getting home until nearly 7:00 that evening. Due to circumstances that probably were within my control, I had decided to try a slightly different recipe for the snapper. Not a good move. The new recipe (or the wait on the beloved to return home--we'll never actually know which was to blame, ahem...) resulted in a dish that was way less than pleasing.

Our special anniversary meal? Steamed veggies, and bread. Oh, to have had the forethought to get a bottle of wine!

We laughed and enjoyed the evening at home with our daughter, who had had plans to spend Friday night away but they changed at the last minute.

Saturday, we decided, we'd do a little celebrating by watching a movie together after the girl went to bed. That would be fun--surely no way to mess that up too bad.

I fell asleep about 20 minutes into the movie. I asked Jeff about the movie this morning amid the mental curses to myself. He assured me that I hadn't missed much, sweet guy that he is.

We laughed again.

Here it is Sunday--our official anniversary. I'm home, he's at rehearsals at church. Tomorrow will begin another busy week.

And to think, we had decided that it was better for the budget if we didn't do gifts this year. We were just going to enjoy some time together.

I have learned some very important lessons because of this anniversary.

1) There is no one that I would rather have a screwed up anniversary with than Jeff.

2) There should always be an emergency bottle of wine in the house.

3) Next year, there will be gifts. I think it would be easier!

Do You See What I See?

2011-09-19T20:45:00.002-05:00

I took this picture the other day when Gracen and I were out roaming. It wasn't until I got home and uploaded the pictures that I saw it--there are five little fishes swimming around under that leaf.

That leaf, which I happen to think is beautiful in its own right, floating on the glass-water hides an entire other world. A living, active world.

This picture represents much of what I love about photography. Sometimes there is much in the background, much in the slightly out of focus.

And unless you take the time and really look, sometimes looking into what isn't the focal point, even into what isn't the "pretty", you may miss the best part. You may miss the really important.

So, I'm going to look a little deeper, go past what it is immediately in focus and see what I find and what I can learn.

And not only in pictures.

Without a doubt, I'll be thankful.

DIY--Here We Go Again

2011-09-17T11:17:00.003-05:00

Over the course of our married life, we have had more laughs than I really thought possible--and many of them have been at ourselves.

So it was today.

Saturday--the day when people with Monday through Friday jobs catch up on all things domestic. We've recently rejoined this group, most days I'm at Gracen's school doing assistant type things. I'm glad to be there, I enjoy being around the kids, and I'm thankful for the enormous amounts of grace being shown as I try to kick start my brain after 12 years out of the work force. Fortunately, it's a very relaxed atmosphere!

About a week or so ago, my sweet husband replaced the faucet in the kitchen. We discovered that it needed replacing by cleaning out the kitchen cabinets for a garage sale that the school is having in a few weeks. Jeff was cleaning out while I was making various types of bread dough to restock the freezer--and then those words, "Um, honey, hand me a towel--the cabinets are damp!"

So, the dampness lead to investigation which revealed a leaky faucet in need of replacement. Jeff goes (in the monsoon type rain, I might add) to get the faucet and proceeds to replace it. Several hours later, a very soaked husband emerged from the depths to announce that it was done.

When the leak was discovered, Jeff uttered the kiss of death, "This won't take long to replace." That lead to the words we say often around our home, "Famous last words..."

You see, God in His sovereignty lead us to a 40 year old house 7 years ago. We love our house and we love our neighborhood. But, a house of that age (like most 40+ humans I know) needs a little TLC from time to time.

And that's fine if the owners have unlimited monetary resources or grand fix-it abilities. Jeff and I have neither. (If we were of the name it and claim it religious persuasion, we'd be run out for lack of faith.)

Let me backtrack just a bit. During the monsoon type rain, during the marathon faucet replacement, I happened to notice that there was water dripping in the fireplace. Being the good wife that I am, I waited until my sweet husband emerged, drenched from the depths of the cabinet, to point to the dripping fireplace--I smiled as pointed, hoping for some sort of calming effect. He looked, said a word that I won't repeat here (as it is family friendly :) ), and went to the shower.

On this fine Saturday morning, he announced after breakfast that he was going to get on the roof and replace the chimney cap or flue or whatever. He had done enough research online to teach a small course on chimney repair. See, we aren't fixers--we're geeks!

He donned his stained, paint splattered work hat, his Marvin Martian T-shirt and set out to climb on the roof. He had one ladder with which to climb onto the roof and then a step stool type ladder with which to see the top of the chimney--and he was going to try to do all of this by himself.

I stayed inside, laughed at the thought of it all, and, in a practical moment, hoped the life insurance was paid up.

A few minutes later, Jeff came back in and reported that he felt it more prudent to let a professional handle this. I didn't ask what prompted the surge of common sense but was immensely thankful.

Now it is Saturday afternoon and we are doing what all good Southerners are doing on a Saturday in the fall. The football games are on and we are contemplating painting the hall.

Famous last words....

Foto Friday: Someone You Love

2011-09-10T19:43:00.004-05:00

*I hope that I remembered the challenge correctly for this week--if not, this is still one of my favorite photos from the week!*

Gracen and I went to the University Arboretum this afternoon. We found a quiet little spot with a very calm pond. The day was beautiful and we spent a while watching the fish, frogs, and dragonflies around the pond.

I happened to look down and see her reflection in the water. So, here's the picture of my girl that I love!

Foto Friday: Memories of Childhood

2011-09-02T11:54:00.002-05:00

I didn't complete the challenge this week--this picture is a favorite and it does remind me of childhood, though not my own. But it was not taken this week. Life has been, well, life and the camera and my inspiration have sat idle!

I took this picture while Gracen was playing one day. She had her babies outside and had just perched Samuel in the swing. Every once in a while she'd come by and give him a push.

I've found myself somewhat nostalgic for the earlier years of her childhood, not that I'm not enjoying her childhood now. I am. But, 12 year old childhood entails much more than 7 year old childhood. It's a different stage.

Still, through the good and the bad, the easy and the hard, I'm reminded by this picture that childhood passes all too quickly!

Remembering

2011-08-27T19:30:00.004-05:00

I have a little secret to share with you.

I have always enjoyed the television show Little House on the Prairie. My sister will say that she hates the show because I used to make her watch the reruns after school. I don't remember doing that--and anyone who knows Niki knows that she is rarely made to do anything she doesn't want to do!

Little House comes on in the evenings on some channel and I have noticed something. While there are still a few that I like, I don't like them quite as much. I can't really explain why though I think it may have something to do with reading the books a few years ago! The show is, like most shows and movies based on books, loosely based on the book.

There is one show that I remember. Three children have lost their mother--their father had long since died. The voice over of the mother says something like, "Remember me with smiles and laughter. If you can only remember me with tears, don't remember me at all."

Today, on what would have been his 88th birthday, I'm remembering Granddaddy with smiles. In fact, I usually remember him with smiles.

I'm fortunate to have a lifetime of memories to look back on. He was an active part of my life and took the time to make those memories.

The neat thing is that I'm not the only one with memories. Nanny has sixty-six years of memories to smile about today. He had 2 children, each with their own lifetimes of memories to smile about. Each of his 4 grandchildren, each of his 3 great granddaughters, a church family, a community--so many people with memories. So many people that he loved, made memories with. A life well lived.

So today, I'll think about some of the memories. I'll probably even share a few with Gracen. I may even take a nap in Granddaddy's honor (he loved his naps)!

But I'll also think of him now, in Heaven with no pain or disease, and I will be thankful for the life that he lived--and for the life he is living.

Foto Friday: Sunflare

2011-08-27T18:51:00.003-05:00

This week's challenge was really a challenge! First, I had to look up sunflare and once I figured out what it was, I had my doubts as to whether I could actually capture anything even close to that.

This picture certainly doesn't compare to some that I saw in my search but...I got lots of ideas for my next sunflare attempt!

In This Moment

2011-08-22T18:24:00.003-05:00

I decided a while ago that much that defines parenting isn't measured in weeks, months, or even necessarily years though those are certainly important. What defines so much of it, and where I seem to fail the most, are in moments.

Those seemingly insignificant bits of time that gather, almost in an instant, to form a lifetime.

My prayers have been much more moment driven lately.

My Girl,

I expect your best. Not just your best on that which is asked of you but on all that comes your way.

In this moment, may you see me give my best to that which I least want to do.

I've asked you to find something positive about someone you are having a tough time liking. Not only to find something positive but to pray for that person--and to pray, not that God would change that person, but that God would change you.

In this moment, may you see me setting the example.

Yielding our will to those in authority over us is so very hard. We've talked about this. I've shared with you my own struggles. God gives much grace for that which is hard.

In this moment, may you see me yield. May you see me yield willingly, dare I say, even happily.

Controlling attitudes and words sometimes feels like trying to control the wind. I've ~~asked~~ demanded that you learn.

In this moment, may you see me close my mouth.

Independence can be very useful. I've asked you to understand that you are dependent on God for all that you are, all that you will be, and all that you have.

In this moment, may you see me broken and dependent on the One I teach you about.

In this moment, may you see none of me but only that which He has done in me. And, my child, may you learn.

Foto Friday: Silhouette

2011-08-20T19:09:00.002-05:00

Time for Foto Friday but on a Saturday.

This isn't necessarily a great photo but it is one of my most favorite subjects!

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Parenting Almost Teens--It Ain't For the Weak Hearted

2011-08-16T18:39:00.003-05:00

True confession time: over the past 4-6 months I have simultaneously been so very thankful for this gift of being a parent and wondering if God intends for both me and my 12 year old to come through this age all in one piece.

I know, because once a long time ago I was a 12 year old girl, that being 12 is tough. I know that things in her heart, body, and mind are changing almost at the speed of light. I know that emotions can be so very important. I know that the desire to be heard and feel important is huge. I know that she wants to be the center of attention yet also wants to hide in a hole somewhere. She wants to be with her friends yet sometimes she doesn't know to relate to them.

I know how she feels. Some of the things that she is fighting against are still battles of mine.

Trouble is, I don't know so much how to parent through this. Reason and logical thinking are not exactly "bff's" of the 12 year old girl. My job as her parent is to show faults in her thinking, to parent against the self centered flow of our society.

Everything is her world is telling her that she is entitled to her feelings, entitled to voice them, and everyone else is obliged to listen to them. She's told that responsibility is only hers if she was directly involved--and that she can wiggle out of it if she talks enough. She's told that her emotions, all of them, are worthy, she can trust them, and can make decisions based upon them.

And then there's us, her parents. We're telling her the exact opposite. Yes, you have feelings and there are appropriate times and ways in which to express them. Sometimes you don't get to share your feelings--and many times they may not be validated in the way in which you think they should be. Responsibility is sometimes yours because you are the leader in a group. Sometimes you take responsibility for things that you may not have personally done but you were part of the group.

And the biggie--you can't trust your emotions. Your emotions change. Decisions must be based on truth. Truth is not relative nor does it change. Emotions are fickle things.

Honestly, it feels like mixing oil and water sometime. It's tough. There are days when she's mad for much longer than she's not. I don't like it. But, it's what I'm called to. I'm the adult, the parent. A job not for the faint of heart.

But every once in a while, there's a glimmer of what will be. There will be a time when her thought processes are mature, when logical thinking is second nature, and when Truth is firmly planted--and cheerfully embraced.

Until that becomes the norm, I hope that she knows I'm here and I love her.

I'll keep telling her even when I'm almost positive she isn't listening. And I'll keep praying for both of us.

Foto Friday: Animals

2011-08-12T10:29:00.006-05:00

It's Foto Friday time again! In all truthfulness, I didn't even pick up the camera this week. School started Monday and I simply didn't have time so these are shots from the archives. So, a frog and a friend's pretty barn cat are it for me this week!

5 Minute Friday--Beauty

2011-08-12T10:10:00.003-05:00

photo by: Dana Miller

When I tried last week's 5 minute Friday writing challenge, I was surprised at how simultaneously easy and hard it was. Writing for 5 minutes is relatively easy for me, not critiquing myself is a bit tougher!

So I'm giving it another shot this week. The cue word this week is BEAUTY.

Here goes. I'm setting the timer.

Beauty is a word that I have spent much of life hating.

Much of my life was spent knowing that I wasn't "enough". I wasn't smart enough, slim enough, or pretty enough. I wasn't blessed with blond hair and blue eyes--the epitome of beauty, or so I thought for so long.

And then came the scars. I had an amputation scar, a scar on my left knee, a scar on my chest--all thanks to cancer or the fear of it. Little did I know at 16 that I would have more scars--even more prominent on my nose and collarbone from cancer, albeit a different kind.

Beauty isn't a word I associate with myself. However, I have learned from these scars (and, honestly, from the experience of being behind the lens of a camera) that beauty isn't so much what you see on the surface.

Very often the deeper you go, the more beauty you behold. And even more often beauty is found in the scars.

Time's up!

Memories

2011-08-09T18:46:00.002-05:00

For much of my life, the woman that this little girl grew into was a constant in my life.

She was my Grandmother and August 10 would have been her 94th birthday.

When she died in 2006, I didn't cry much, I knew how badly she wanted to go home. That was such a comfort to me. I missed her, I still miss her but knowing that she was finally in her forever home, the place she had longed for lessened the grief.

A few weeks ago on Facebook, one of my cousins posted the simple words, "Don't worry, be happy." Those words unleashed memories of Grandma. One cousin mentioned that she remembered Grandma having a tape of that song in her big beige car. We mentioned her love of the TV show, The Golden Girls. She would laugh so hard at the antics of those old ladies. A laugh that she only had when she really tickled. An infectious laugh.

That Facebook post brought back a flood of memories for me.

I remembered being a little girl sitting on Grandma's front porch in the rocking chairs. She would sing a song about little birds. The song always changed but there was always a family of birds.

I remembered her love of quilting, sewing and crocheting--all things that many of her children and grandchildren wish we had learned when she tried to teach us. I think all of her grandchildren and many of her great-grandchildren have quilts or blankets made by Grandma.

She loved family holidays. She loved the whole process--the cooking, the decorating.

One Christmas, we all sat down at the table. There was turkey, dressing, homemade rolls--all the traditional foods. One by one everyone took a bite of the dressing and had the strangest expressions on their faces. Only after everyone had taken a bite did Grandma announce that she had tried oyster dressing! Now, in southern Arkansas, oyster dressing isn't exactly a delicacy. And this most definitely was not.

What I remember most about her, though, is in very real and important ways, she influenced my life. She was an encourager, a mentor. Throughout college, she wrote letters and called. When I moved 6 hours away to a school and town in which I knew no one, her calls and letters were even more precious. She was there when I was lonely and at a time when I felt like life was falling apart. She simply listened, assured me that somehow things would work out, and loved me.

She loved well and each of us, in our way, tried to love her well.

So, tomorrow, I'll hum Happy Birthday and think of Grandma. And I'll be forever thankful for her.

A Combination

2011-08-05T15:40:00.003-05:00

Today I'm combining a couple of things. First, Foto Friday. The theme was fresh fruit, well, I didn't make it to the farmer's market and the closest thing to fresh fruit I currently have is a couple of apples whose freshness may be suspect.

So, I'm posting this pretty bloom (which incidentally is no longer there, thanks to the bazillion degree weather we've been having).

The other thing I've wanted to do for some time. This blog has 5 minute Fridays. She gives a topic and you write for 5 minutes on that topic--no edits, just write. I've wanted to do it for a while but have never been brave enough. But, I'm going to give it a shot.

The idea this week is WHOLE. Here goes:

This word is a tough one for me. In some ways, I never feel completely whole. Missing a limb and walking on something that isn't God-given creates a longing, I suppose.

I know when I wake up in the morning a piece of me is in the corner, having been "juiced up" overnight. It is a part of me and yet it isn't.

It's funny how something can be so much a part of you--you almost can't imagine life without it. And yet it isn't really part of you at all. It's an add-on, a nice something that some how, kind of takes the place of the real one but not quite.

The add-on, while making life easier and creating in me a grateful heart, doesn't take away the memory of the real thing. Sometimes I have to think really hard but I do remember what life was like with my 2 God-given legs.

But I've learned that God in His grace and mercy can take something that is an "add-on" and uses it. He teaches through it and fills the longing.

My five minutes are up! It's not nearly as long as I thought!

Yep-It's That Hot

2011-08-02T08:17:00.002-05:00

I totally stole this picture from Jen. It pretty much sums up the weather around here lately!

We've hit the point in the summer when most everyone is ready for the heat to ease up, for some cooler winds to blow, and to be able to walk outside without the sauna effect of the 1000% humidity!

So, if you can find an un-melted ice cream truck--enjoy!

Cursed Hamster

2011-08-01T07:43:00.002-05:00

About 3 years ago, Gracen went on ~~kick~~ ~~rally~~ begging spree for a hamster. She did research on the internet and determined what kind she wanted and found out that they are actually social animals and one should buy two whenever possible. After trying for weeks to persuade her that one is a perfectly acceptable number and that she could provide the necessary social interaction (who knew?) for the critter, we trekked to the pet store where she bought (with her own money--how is that she can save for critters that make my skin crawl but wants to spend every other dime as quickly as it hits her hot little hand?) two of the cutest, ahem, little hamsters.

They were Merry and Pippen. Pippen lasted almost 2 years before we found her dead in the cage, with Merry looking suspiciously guilty. Merry lasted another year or so before she, too, was found less than alive.

I thought, surely, we were done with this experiment in animal husbandry. I was wrong.

She began wanting more hamsters to replace Merry and Pippen. Her reasons were sound. We already had the cage, bedding, food, etc. She would pay for them, please Momma, please??

I took her to the pet store. She chose 2 hamsters that could have been identical twins. They were kind of cute, I guess. They were brought home 2 months ago and quickly christened Cookie and Brownie, though none of us actually knew which one was which.

Yesterday, Sunday--the day for rest and all things holy--except for the minor fact that I'm pretty sure Sunday morning is the devil's dance hall. Something will be in plain sight, usually on the kitchen cabinet, until Sunday morning. Someone's hair will be picture perfect all week and Sunday morning is the time when it morphs into something Medusa would be afraid of. We can get up extra early and somehow the clock runs faster on Sunday morning. Marriages of steel crumple on Sunday morning only to rise, Phoenix style, by noon.

So, we are getting ready for church yesterday morning. Just so happens that, for the first time, Gracen and her dad were scheduled to sing a duet. She had surprised us both by asking if they could sing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" together sometime. Serious practice ensued.

From the playroom, aka the hamster room, we hear, "Daaaadddyyy!" And, even though I was standing in the closet trying to find something to wear (another Sunday morning plague), I knew. And right there in my closet on Sunday morning, I cursed either Cookie or Brownie, who by this point had been reduced to Dessert 1 or Dessert 2.

Sure enough, one of the critters--we're still not totally sure which--had met a less than timely demise. And standing in my closet, I determined to try to be sympathetic while still trying to help Gracen hold on to the fact that she has to sing in about an hour. There were tears (from her, not me--just to be clear) but not as many as had been shed over Merry and Pippen after all Dessert #1 or #2 hadn't been with us as long!

While sitting in church, I held my breath as Gracen and Jeff began their song. As they sang, I was so thankful that she had wanted to sing this song with her dad. The hymn's words are rich and comforting. When she came back to sit beside me and I put my arm around her and felt her deeply exhale, I knew that she had been listening to the words as well as singing them. It wasn't just the sigh of completion. It was more than that.

And that was what her dad and I had been praying for.

Come Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing thy grace,
Streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above.
Here's the mount I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer, here by Thy great help I've come.
And I hope by Thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.

O the day when freed from sinning I shall see Thy lovely face
Clothed in linen, blood washed linen,
How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace.
Come my Lord no longer tarry, take my ransomed soul away.
Send Thine angles now to carry me to realms of endless grace.

O, to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to the Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Lord take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.

Foto Friday (of sorts), Plant Question, and Other Things

2011-07-29T08:21:00.006-05:00

The theme for this week's Foto Friday was sunset. I didn't catch a single sunset picture--we've had a thunderstorm move in almost every evening this week.

I was so excited to get this picture though. We have a huge bleeding heart plant in our back yard that Nanny gave me years ago. She calls it a bleeding heart but it doesn't look like these. It looks like this--so if anyone (like my cousin, Ashley, who has the most amazing green thumb) can tell me if this another kind of bleeding heart or something else, I'd love to know more about this plant.

Anyway, the hummingbirds LOVE the blooms and I have tried to get a picture of one of them actually at the bloom but the first picture was the clearest I got. Those sweet little birds move fast!!

I haven't written in a while, not because there hasn't been a lot going on (there has been) and not because there isn't stuff to write about it (there is). I've shared here before that writing for me, at least in part, is about processing. Much of what I've been dealing with that needs processing are things that I'm not sure are share-able right now. Suffice it to say that my prayers of late have included repeated requests for wisdom and understanding!

School starts very soon here and Gracen is simply giddy. Not because school is starting (though I think she's a little excited about that) but because she's gotten to get school supplies! She loves the stuff but, maybe more than the stuff, she loves organizing it. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my girl is going into 7th grade.

Foto Friday--Books

2011-07-15T16:41:00.002-05:00

It seems that my blogging of late has been limited to Foto Fridays--and I almost missed this one!

Between VBS this week, a weekend conference at our church with Douglas and Nancy Wilson, and just life in general--I've not found a lot of time at the computer. (And, if you are local or within driving distance, please consider coming to the conference. Click on the link for more details.)

I have an affinity for old books--and this is one of my favorites so far. This is an 1892 copy of a collection of Edgar Allen Poe's poetry. I'm not a fan of Poe but loved the look of the book. I found it at an estate sale and paid $3 for it. According to the inscription inside, it was Clara Louise's Christmas gift from Anna in 1899.

Hopefully, next week will be a bit slower! Enjoy the weekend.

Foto Friday--On Monday!

2011-07-04T15:28:00.003-05:00

I'm so late with this Foto Friday! The theme this week was CLOUDS, which obviously I didn't capture. Our clouds have either been scarce, covered by the hazy heat film for which the South is known, or very thick--to trick you into thinking there is going to a good rain but you get nothin' but thunder!

I did get this picture one afternoon after a few raindrops fell. It was so nice--we could use so much more though!

It seems that this summer has thrown me and my blogging schedule for a loop. I am hoping to get better with that soon. I find that I miss writing a lot.

But first, I have to head back to the doctor's office in painfully early hours tomorrow so that they can take a couple of stitches out that got left in my nose! I'm not looking forward to this. I am hoping that they will say that things are healing well in spite of this.

I'm so ready to be done with bandages and to be able breathe well again!

I hope that you all have a wonderful 4th of July! It's been a pretty great day around here so far--burgers and ice cream have been enjoyed, a mean Monopoly game is going on in the back, and I'm fairly certain that someone (who probably should have been doing something much more constructive) snuck in a nap...it was wonderful!

Hello

2011-06-28T07:57:00.003-05:00

I really didn't mean to be away from the blog for so long. Due to the recent surgery, I continually felt that I had lost a week. A recent check of my calendar and the blog confirmed that, indeed, I really did lose a week. If someone happens to find it, please let me know...I think I'll be needing it around September!

Speaking of the surgery, recovery is going well. The stitches are out--hooray! I'm still bandaged for the next 2 weeks but this bandage is nothing like the first one.

I have learned through this process that, although there are numerous things that I would like to change about my appearance, I won't be likely to choose to go through any sort of surgery to achieve those results. The pain is simply too great--and I'm too much of a wimp.

Gracen and I managed to get the house cleaned, really cleaned, for the first time in several weeks. We had been doing the "keep up version"--you know where you keep it clean enough so that nothing grows anywhere it's not supposed to and you hope that anyone visiting is ~~blind~~ extremely far (and near) sighted--or loves you so much that it doesn't matter anyway!

In the cleaning, I actually cleaned off the top of my desk. I have decided that my desk is a quagmire (don't you love that word!) of my half done projects. I weeded through the coupon flyers that come in the Sunday paper. I dutifully put them on my desk, aiming to get them all clipped and placed in my coupon binder (that I actually did organize). Yesterday I went through no less than 4 weeks worth of flyers and had to throw away most of the coupons in the binder because they were, you guessed it, expired. Oh, the best laid plans....

I also found a journal I bought about 2 months ago with some grand plan in mind. For the life of me, I can't remember the grand plan. I found the paint samples I knew I had but just couldn't quite remember where I put them. I also found the summer list that Gracen had created of things she wanted to do this summer--and the mom guilt set in as I realized we hadn't accomplished much and she goes back to school in about 5 weeks?!

In short, cleaning off the top of my desk reminds me that I stink. It is a reminder of all the things that I truly have the best of intentions for but never seem to get done. It makes jealousy rear its ugly head as I think of several friends who are "so organized surely their desks don't look like this." And, then I laugh because I know them. No, maybe their desks don't look this but I'd be willing to bet that some part of their life looks like the top of my desk.

So, while I still hope that my desk will someday be more than a graveyard for my best intentions, I take comfort in the fact that my iPhone (gifted to me and still much appreciated) will let me be, ahem, productive almost anywhere.

Now, will someone please tell me how to play Words with Friends so that my productivity will increase--and I can use quagmire again?!

Foto Friday and The Nose

2011-06-17T08:09:00.002-05:00

First off, this photo has absolutely nothing to do with this week's challenge of shoes! I just didn't want to miss another week of participating! And, in all honesty, this picture wasn't even taken this week--it's a favorite from a couple of weeks ago.

I am recuperating from surgery. A relatively minor surgery but don't tell my nose because it would probably not agree.

I had a skin cancer removed from my nose on Monday. It was supposed to be a minor deal. I should have had a clue when the doctor came in, quite cheerful for the unholy hour of 6:20 a.m., and asked if wanted something to "relax" me.

"No thanks, I think I'm fine." I dumbly replied. (Never turn down relaxation drugs is my new motto.) I was fine through the deadening of my nose (which required multiple shots with the stinging capacity of 10 wasps) and the removal of the first layer of skin. However, now that I knew what was coming--that whole ignorance is bliss thing only works for a while--I decided that the relaxation drugs were a good idea and ~~asked if they were still available~~ demanded them.

To make a long--and painful story--very short. Four layers of skin from the left side of my nose were removed and what was left (which I can only imagine wasn't much) was declared cancer free. Those four layers were replaced with skin from my collarbone area which required a 4-6 incision, more stitches, more stinging deadening shots, and my (ignored) request for more of the relaxation drugs combined with a shot of vodka, thank you very much.

I walked out of the ~~torture chamber~~ operating room with a bandage on my collarbone area and a bandage that looks like a small light bulb on the left side of my nose. So, to recap--currently, I have a huge bandage on my nose, a bandage on my collarbone, and an artificial right leg. I wonder if I could make some extra money as an extra in a war film?!

At least they had the good manners to send me home with a prescription for heavy pain killers!

The bandage on the nose has to stay on--and dry, tuck that in the back of your mind--until the 24th. The other bandage had to stay on for three days. My sweet husband, who deserves more gold stars than I can give him, has figured out how to help me put on my leg, how to wash my hair without getting any of my numerous bandages wet, and kept the nose jokes to a minimum.
And, though I look like I could frighten small children, my girl has been by my side helping with the house and keeping me company. We've watched a lot of I Love Lucy!

So, that's been my week--and why there isn't a new photo this week. I can't even get my camera in a good position to take a picture right now!

My public service announcement for the week--wear lots of sunscreen and be thankful for your nose. Trust me, you don't want it out of commission!

Summertime

2011-06-06T07:51:00.002-05:00

This girl finally got her wish! We didn't make it to the pool yet (though that's on the agenda for today) but she did get to splash through the fountains at a local park.

Simple, summertime happiness.

While summer isn't by any means my favorite season, there are some things I enjoy about it--grilling, a little slower pace, and having a little more time for reading.

So, I'm wondering, do you have anything special on your reading list for the summer? I'm hoping for some suggestions!

Foto Friday--Wind

2011-06-03T09:02:00.002-05:00

I'm totally cheating this week and using a picture from my archives!

Nothing says wind to me quite like a kite in flight--I'm always envious of those coordinated enough to actually get the kite up.

Hopefully, next week I'll have my photography mojo back and not have to cheat :)!

Happenings

2011-06-02T16:03:00.003-05:00

Summer is officially here!

How do I know?

It's HOT! The fact that it is this hot in early June doesn't give much hope for July and August.

Gracen hasn't had her first trip to the pool yet and, believe me, I have heard about it!

In my defense, I've spent the last 2 days on the couch with what is either yet another sinus infection or a summer cold (two words that very obviously do not go together!). Either way, I've alternated between wanting serious drugs or wanting my head to just go ahead and explode!

Due to the skin cancer, I've also been a ~~little~~lot leery of the sun. Sunscreen is about to become my new best friend. I'll have surgery on the 13th--the day before my forty-something birthday. The birthday margarita will happen before the 13th--in fact, there may be several!

Ok, I have a parenting question.

Any thoughts on how to deal with fear in pre-teen age kids? These are fears of the why/what-if variety and seem to have gotten progressively worse since the tornado and the skin cancer diagnosis. She knows that this cancer is fairly simple and is contained. She knows that I am fine. Yet, questions of why and what if plague her, especially at night--and when we are not all together.

Honestly, and to my shame, I haven't been the most patient parent with this. We've talked and in my adult mind that should take care of it. I have apologized to her for my lack of patience and understanding (and I do understand--my genetics gifted her with this). I have repented and prayed for wisdom and patience. I know (and she knows) that I'll screw up again but she also knows that I love her beyond measure and that we will get through this together.

I just wish I had more to offer. The reassurance that it will get better isn't helping the here and now.

Any ideas--and prayers--would be appreciated!

Stay cool!!

Foto Friday--Grow

2011-05-27T07:57:00.004-05:00

These were 2 of my favorite photos from this week.

The orange lily is growing in the front yard; while the weed is growing around the back fence!

Enjoy the long weekend!!

Again

2011-05-26T16:02:00.001-05:00

When you survive cancer, the last word you ever want to hear again is cancer. For a while you don't want to hear it in conversation—you simply want to forget, even for just a bit, that you had it.

Most cancer survivors aren't lucky enough to forget. They have reminders. A bald head, a missing part of their body, or a body part that just doesn't work as well as it once did. But soon, the fact that you are a cancer survivor weaves itself into the fabric of your life. It is a part of who you are.

But still you don't really want to hear the word again. Certainly not in relation to a loved one though the odds are that you will. And, deep down, every cancer survivor wonders when it will strike again. Every doctor's appointment has a question mark hanging over it.

Cancer is a strange disease. There are some forms that are relatively “simple”--for which we are thankful. There are some forms that everyone knows are worse than others. Yet, even simple ones—the ones with high cure rates and minimally invasive treatments cause that breath sucking moment when it is associated with your name.

I had that moment this week. (This is not an attempt to be overly dramatic or a search for sympathy; just trying to process!) I found out that I have basal cell carcinoma on my nose. It will require outpatient surgery and won't be the most pleasant (or pain free) experience but no more than follow ups will be required afterward.

I am incredibly thankful that it is that simple. I am thankful that treatment looks easy (though this is NOT the way I dreamed of having a nose job). I am thankful beyond words that this particular kind of cancer is contained.

But still. It's cancer. Wrapping my head around the fact that this is the second time in my life has been a little more difficult than I thought it would be. And, honestly, there is a part of me that feels guilty even giving much thought to this when there are many people for whom a diagnosis such as this would be a welcome relief compared with the news they normally hear from their doctors.

There is a fear attached to the very word cancer. No one wants to hear it. No one wants to go through it. There's an unknown associated with not only the disease but sometimes even the treatment. And it is in that unknown that fear thrives.

When the unknown collides with the known, that is a beautiful place. Because the known, the truth, the grace, and the light make sense of the unknown. The fear may still be there, because let's face it some of the things we go through in this life, just aren't pleasant.

Sometimes we need to be reminded that groping through fear in the dark places of our lives actually reveals a much deeper beauty.

Foto Friday--Beauty in the Ugly

2011-05-21T09:47:00.002-05:00

This week's challenge was very tough for me. Unfortunately, because of the tornado that ripped through our city (and much of the state) on April 27, there is still a lot of ugly around. Much debris is still around and likely will be for a while yet.

The beauty of this photo is the "x" on what is left of the house. The most beautiful part of the "x"? The zero in the bottom of it. It means there was no one found in this structure. The tornado was rated an EF-5 by the weather service, was a mile wide, and plowed through some heavily populated areas in town. The fact that anyone survived is miraculous--and, indeed, beauty-worthy.

Happy Day!

2011-05-18T16:13:00.006-05:00

I'm always so happy to find something growing in my yard--mostly because it is a surprise. I don't really work on the yard. It's always on my list but it is also always the thing that gets overlooked.
This is growing in the front (think it is some sort of lily but will leave that determination to those who know better, like my green thumbed cousin Ashley!)
My hydrangea bush has been just great this year. This is the second vase full of blooms we've enjoyed.

And, I was so excited to see these little guys at the feeders! I grabbed my camera and started shooting through the window. They aren't the best technical pictures in the world but I was so excited that I got anything besides a blur!

The last one is one I "doctored" a good bit. At first I wasn't sure that I liked it but it has kind of grown on me. What do you think?

And as I sit here loving the pictures of all things spring, my girl is singing Christmas songs! :)

This Too Shall Pass

2011-05-16T13:07:00.000-05:00

I sometimes read blogs of others—some are in the baby stages (and, can I just kindly ask, what is it with the huge bows perched up on babies' heads?! Bigger isn't always better.) and think how wonderful it is for that family to be soaking up the newness of one so small.

That stage, as fun and challenging as it was, is gone.

I sometimes look at homeschooling moms. The voyeur in me loves seeing the fun experiments, the great new curriculums. Seeing light bulbs go on for your child is an experience like no other. I'm so thankful to have had those years.

I've learned enough to never say never—but, for now, homeschooling is in the past.

I think of friends who have children ready to go to college or be on their own in some other way. They are preparing to parent in a brand new way—not less important or less influential--just different.

Thankfully, there are a few more years before that stage goes by!

Parenting an only child often means that by the time you have actually figured out which stage your kid is in and how to deal with it, your kid is on to a new stage. Kind of leaves the poor ol' parent with a confused look on their face, wondering what just happened!

It also means that you don't have another child coming up behind so you can implement all that you just learned. (Though each stage is somewhat different with each kid, certainly, but there is the hope at least that you are ahead of the game a bit!)

I've thought about this a lot as we have been navigating parenting a pre-teen. I know that growing up is hard—on both the parents and the child. Things shift very quickly. About the time I've figured out where I made the colossal blunder the last time, I realize that I've somehow managed to do it again!

Somehow, though, through it all we all learn. No, as parents, we won't use this knowledge on another child but we will use it again. Every time I learn something about this kid I love with my whole heart, I learn something about myself. Many of her struggles are my own on a younger scale. Many of her fears and doubts are my own—I've just learned to hide them a little better.

Every time I remind her after a tough patch that, truly, this too shall pass. I see with more and more clarity how true that statement is.

It passes in an instant.

My prayer is still that I enjoy every stage that we have but I've also added that I treasure it all—even as we go through it.

Foto Friday

2011-05-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

The challenge for this week was April SHOWERS bring May flowers.

I got this picture after a rain. My hydrangea bush actually has more than one or two blooms this year! I probably shouldn't be as excited about this fact as I am :)!!

Changed

2011-05-05T19:54:00.000-05:00

I don't know that there are many people that read this blog that don't live in my city so this may seem a bit repetitive for them.

Our city was hit by a major tornado last week. In that time, I have seen and felt many things that I never thought I would.

The landscape of the familiar has been forever changed. Businesses are gone, homes flattened—even those of us familiar with the area have to get our bearings a bit because many of the landmarks are gone.

I have been through most of the areas hit hardest by the storm. One of the areas was one that Gracen and I drove through every day going to school. We would wave to a group of girls gathered at a stop sign to wait for the school bus most every morning.

The smell of pine permeated the air the first morning we drove through there. Ordinarily, I love the smell of fresh cut wood but this wasn't cut. It was ripped up, twisted, and pulled apart. That smell simply shouldn't be in that area. The stop sign where the little girls stood was bent to the ground. Almost every house was gone—the ones that are left are uninhabitable.

Tears came. I didn't know those girls. I just knew they must have lived in that area. My heart ached for the loss that they surely must be enduring.

Several days later, the K9 units were in that neighborhood with the dogs. I cried again, knowing that at this time, they weren't searching for survivors.

Yet for every time of sadness, there have been tears of gratefulness. Seeing the relief supplies stack up at our church from people who came from many states away and from those who were directly affected by the storm and watching volunteers give selflessly of their time and energy has been simply amazing. And, on personal note, seeing my girl and her friends work organizing supplies has helped me understand that everyone wants to help—and that everyone can help.

There are many in town who were not directly affected by the storm. In all honesty, many of us are directly affected by the inconvenience the storm caused. Some of us don't even know someone directly affected by this storm.

The true measure of this storm isn't in the stories that are told but perhaps in the amount of time those of us not directly affected stick it out to be of help and how many new relationships we form because of this.

Hopefully, in that regard, we will shine.

No Words...

2011-05-01T07:22:00.004-05:00

Holt Area--used to be trees and homes through here.

McFarland Blvd. This is what is left of the shopping center that housed Big Lots, Hobby Lobby, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.

Looking from McFarland toward 15th Street.

This is what is left of the Krispy Kreme building. Behind the building was Cedar Crest, a subdivision that had many homes.

If you are looking for ways to help, please check here. Thank you for your continued prayers for our city.

Foto Friday--After The Storm

2011-04-29T11:47:00.002-05:00

This week's photo challenge was Easter. I had several pretty good pics of much of the fun of Easter.

That's all been put aside for now because these two pictures seemed much more important.

These were taken about 1 1/2 hours after a major tornado hit our town. We didn't have any damage at our house. Our town is devastated and the lives of many are changed forever.

There are simply no words to describe how things look and the feelings that come along with seeing the wreckage.

Please be in prayer for the city of Tuscaloosa, for the many who lost loved ones (the last report I saw put the death toll at 36 in Tuscaloosa and hundreds throughout the state of Alabama), and for those are putting all their efforts into recovery, clean up, and, later, rebuilding. There is much to be done and much help is needed.

"For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever."
Psalm 117:2

The Storm Bag

2011-04-27T16:15:00.003-05:00

We are expecting some severe storms this evening and tonight.

I was trying to help Gracen not be quite so afraid of the storms. We watched some footage on television so that she could learn what a tornado actually looked like. I was hoping that the more educated she was--and the more she knew what to do--the less fearful she would be.

She was concerned about her things. I told her that if she wanted to, she could put some of her favorite and most special things in a bag to take into the closet should we have to go in there.

The picture is what was in her bag (posted with her permission)!

--her complete horse collection (most compliments of one her favorite people :) )
--pictures of Nana & Papa and Jordyn
--some of her dog collection
--her new Bible
--one American Girl doll
--Puppy, of course
--her Panda pillow pet

It always tickles me--and warms my heart--to see what she holds especially dear.

Be safe, everyone.

The Fear Block

2011-04-26T15:11:00.001-05:00

For several weeks, I seem to have had a really bad case of writer's block. Not that there wasn't anything to write about because there has been.

My block comes from fear. Not fear of writing, not fear of putting something out there for a few to read—rather fear of acknowledging the thing that has made my hands shake and caused me not to breath deeply for the past several weeks.

Just plain, simple fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what's ahead, fear of how everything is going to be taken care of.

Most of the time I deal with fear by shoring up my strength and steeling myself for whatever may come. Foolishly, I think that I can be strong enough. I don't cry, I don't generally fret, and, even though my bent is to think through every single possible worst case scenario (and have a plan for each), I really don't dwell on the what-if's. Because, you see, I've already thought through all the possible outcomes so I know what I will do. The workings of my warped mind—scary, I know!

We have some things facing us over the next few weeks. Jeff has to have some tests run—absolutely nothing major. My parents are both having minor surgeries that will require some recuperation time. Nanny is still recuperating from her heart surgery and has some good and some bad days.

Jeff's testing has me rattled, honestly. Again, not because of anything major but because it is him. I don't realize sometime just how much of an anchor he is for me. The thought of something, however minor, being wrong with him scares me.

I guess I've just reached the point in all of this of just simply needing to know. The tests need to be over and answers given because the not knowing seems to be the hardest.

Anyone who has family far away knows the next source of anxiety all too well. The feeling of being torn. God placed us in this town, blessed us with a full life, commitments, responsibilities but my family is six hours away.

I struggle with the best way to honor and support my parents. How do I keep them involved in Gracen's life—and her in theirs? How do I practically help them? How do I show them that my heart's desire is to be the daughter they need and the wife and mother they raised me to be?

Sometimes, the fear of not knowing, the fear of not handling something well can prevent me from doing anything at all. Fear is like that, I guess. And, all of my wanting and trying to do it all well isn't enough. The more I want and the more I try, the more immobile I feel.

Honestly, I don't have any answers. I just know that this place isn't where I want to be.

But, for whatever reason, it is where I am.

I don't particularly like the place I'm in right now. I haven't gleaned any monumental truths (yet). I feel alone. But, I have learned not to rely on my feelings during these times. I may feel alone. I may feel rather dark. I may feel fearful.

That isn't truth.

Truth--real, solid, abiding truth--casts a light, albeit sometimes a small one, into the dark and the lonely.

That's what I'm trusting.

Foto Friday

2011-04-22T10:10:00.005-05:00

The theme for this week's challenge was white. This was hard for me for some reason!

The top picture is my favorite and my initial thought of white--bright, pure light.

My dear husband and daughter didn't get white from the picture though! So, I also got a very literal interpretation (and a pretty yummy one too ;) )!

Hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend with those you love.

Book Review

2011-04-17T11:13:00.003-05:00

I received Andy Andrews' book, The Final Summit, for a review.

About the book:

David Ponder is back. This time the fate of mankind is in his hands.

This is mankind's last chance. Centuries of greed, pride, and hate have sent humanity hurtling toward disaster, and far from its original purpose. There is only one solution that can reset the compass and right the ship, and it consists of only two words.

With time running out, it is up to David Ponder and a cast of history's best and brightest minds to uncover this solution before it is too late. The catch? They are allowed only five tries to discover the answer.

Readers first encountered David Ponder in The Traveler's Gift. Now, in The Final Summit, Andrews combines a riveting narrative with astounding history in order to show us the one thing we must do when we don't know what to do.

Many years have passed since David Ponder discovered the Seven Decisions during a divine journey through time. Now 74 years old, Ponder has lost the one thing that mattered to him most: his wife, Ellen. Despite his personal and professional success, he now sits alone at the top of his 55-story high-rise contemplating the unthinkable, just as he did 28 years ago.

However, just as things are looking their darkest, Ponder is informed through divine channels that he is needed now more than ever. Together, with the help of hundreds of his fellow Travelers, from Winston Churchill to George Washington Carver to Joan of Arc, he must work to discover the one solution that will save humanity. Time is running out, and the final summit of Travelers must work quickly to avoid dire consequences.

The Final Summit explores the historically proven principles that have guided our greatest leaders for centuries, and how we might restore these principles in our own lives...before it's too late.

My Thoughts:

The Final Summit is a sequel to Andy Andrews' The Traveler's Gift. I hadn't read the first book and had no trouble picking up with the storyline.

The story is an engaging tale of David Ponder who is called to a meeting by the archangel Gabriel for the purposes of figuring out 2 words that will ultimately save humanity. He isn't alone in this meeting. He is surrounded by many other "travelers" who just happen to be some of the greatest minds and most accomplished people in history.

I wasn't sure what to expect when reading this. On the positive side, it is a fanciful tale that is enjoyable if strictly taken on fiction merits. The writing is good and there are very interesting historical facts scattered throughout the story.

However, this book is presented as anything from self help to personal transformation to spirituality. And that is where the biggest problems lie.

If you are looking to be motivated simply to do something, anything, then this book is probably a good one. But if you are looking for something deep, something meaningful, something beyond yourself, this book doesn't deliver.

My biggest problem with this book is the idea that God has sent Gabriel to gather these travelers.

"You are at a turning point. You--the human race--are balanced on a precipice and He is not pleased. Just as Amos once pled for the nation of Israel, so now the Travelers are being convened with an opportunity to avoid what seems to me, the inevitable." (page 32,33)

"Together you will convene with the opportunity to examine the accumulated wisdom of the past in order to determine your future. Or if there is even to be a future on this earth--" (page 35)

"Were it my choice, David Ponder," Gabriel said calmly, "I might have turned my back on you years ago. But He still has hope, though He is heart is heavy and patience decidedly thin." (page 35)

God apparently called the meeting because He needs help deciding if and how humanity can be saved.

For me, there are just too many problems with this idea for the book to be enjoyable.

At the end of the meeting, the 2 words that are supposed to save humanity? Do Something. I was expecting a little more from the greatest minds in history.

The problem for me isn't necessarily what the book says (though I do have major problems with spiritual premise of the book) because it is, at the end of the day, a fiction book. My biggest problem, I suppose, is the idea that this book is being promoted in the spiritual growth and Christian thought departments.

Aside from the brief mention God gets in calling the meeting, there is no Christian thought. The ideas presented in the meeting are at best virtues and at worst cheesy platitudes that may or may not work in life but sound good when said by really accomplished people.

**Thanks to Thomas Nelson Publishers for sending this book in exchange for my honest review.**

Book Review--Beside Still Waters

2011-04-16T08:00:00.002-05:00

Beside Still Waters by Tricia Goyer - A Big Sky Novel

Welcome to the blog tour for the first book in Tricia Goyer's new Amish series, Beside Still Waters! Already praise is pouring in ...

"A wonderful story about the Amish and the way they live their lives by the writings of the Bible . . . Goyer is a talented author . . . Readers will delight in this." ~RT Book Reviews (4 stars)

"I was transported into the world of the Amish. Tricia's expressive storytelling and vivid descriptions drew me into the heartache and joy of the characters as if they were real people. So compelling." ~Robin Jones Gunn, author of the Christy Miller series

"Only a gifted writer like Tricia Goyer could present such a captivating story about a group of Amish forging a new community in Montana. Tricia writes in such a way that the reader can't wait to turn the page and learn more about main character Marianna's experience. Tricia's talent for connecting our heart to Marianna's plight also connects us to our need for one another. Beside Still Waters draws you in with its genuine characters, and it holds you there with its enduring bonds of love and family." ~Suzanne Woods Fisher, best-selling author of the Lancaster County Series

Be sure to stop by Tricia's Blog It's Real Life - she's giving away 10 copies of the book and some (super cool) antique Amish salt & pepper shakers. Also - everyone who enters the contest will receive an Montana Amish calendar (while supplies last)!

About the book: Marianna Sommer believes she knows where her life is headed. Nineteen years old and Amish, her plan is to get baptized into the church, marry Aaron Zook, and live in the only community she's ever known.

When Marianna's family moves from Indiana to Montana she discovers life and faith will never be the same. As she builds an easy friendship with local guy, Ben Stone, Ben not only draws her heart, he also gets her thinking about what loving God and living in community is all about.

As Marianna struggles to find "home", she also encounters God in intimate ways.

Watch the video trailer here.

About Tricia: Tricia Goyer is the author of twenty-four books including Songbird Under a German Moon, The Swiss Courier, and the mommy memoir, Blue Like Play Dough. She won Historical Novel of the Year in 2005 and 2006 from ACFW, and was honored with the Writer of the Year award from Mt. Hermon Writer's Conference in 2003. Tricia's book Life Interrupted was a finalist for the Gold Medallion in 2005. In addition to her novels, Tricia writes non-fiction books and magazine articles for publications like MomSense and Thriving Family. Tricia is a regular speaker at conventions and conferences, and has been a workshop presenter at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Conventions. She and her family make their home in Little Rock, Arkansas where they are part of the ministry of FamilyLife.

For more about Tricia please visit www.triciagoyer.com.

My Thoughts:

This book was a bit of a first for me. I haven't read any of Tricia Goyer's other books. And, it has been a long, long time since I read Amish fiction.

However, I was glad I dove back into the genre with this book!

The characters in this book have depth but there is still much to learn about them should a sequel be in the mind of the author (and I hope that it is!). The setting of the book is both in “typical” Amish country but in the story the family moves to an area not typically associated with Amish life. I thought this added much to the story. The descriptions of the area painted beautiful pictures in my mind.

I appreciated that this book dealt with struggles of family and faith that I don't often associate with Amish fiction. This wasn't an idealized view of a particular people. Rather, it was a look at a real family dealing with their problems, the growing up and growing closer to God of Marianna.

I thought this story was woven together beautifully. I look forward to reading more of Tricia Goyer's work.

More reviews of this book can be found here.

**Thanks to Litfuse for the opportunity to review this book in exchange for this review.**

Foto Friday

2011-04-15T13:55:00.002-05:00

This week's challenge was pets. Again, this is Gracen's picture. She was able to get Molly to cooperate. Biscuit the golden retriever was too busy trying to find a ball for someone to throw--she simply didn't have time for a photo op!

Oh, and please take a look here for last week's winner. A certain budding photographer was so very excited!

Questions From The Parent Of A Pre-Teen

2011-04-14T16:30:00.006-05:00

***Warning--this post deals with more pre-teen parenting.***

You know, more and more I'm realizing just how out of my parenting comfort zone I am.

I had training with the younger years. You want good children's books? I can rattle off a ton. Want to know how to help teach a toddler about quiet times? Got it. Want to know how to creatively teach a kid younger than about 8 math facts, history, etc? Give me a few minutes and I can probably come up with something.

Sure, parenting during those young children years was hard work but I felt pretty comfortable with that. It required a lot--staying one step ahead wasn't always easy.

Then, things shifted. My child became a pre-teen and, while I am incredibly thankful that most of the time she has a good head on her shoulders, I'm realizing that I simply don't have a clue.

For instance, I took her shopping the other day. Should be a fairly simple task.

Famous last words.

Let me preface this with saying that I have a love/hate relationship with Justice For Girls. Sometimes we luck up and find something that is agreeable. (The rule in our house is that if I don't approve of the clothing, it doesn't come home--no questions, no whining.)

I was looking around while Gracen was trying on a dress (which with the addition of a short jacket was approved) and saw this. I left wondering why it was necessary to have the addition of padding in bra marketed for girls ages 8-12 or so.

Little did I know that wondering why was about to become a way of life.

A few days later, a flyer came in the mail. Thank goodness Gracen didn't see it because she would have either been mortified or totally enamoured. You see, at this point in life, I don't even pretend to know have a guess at reactions--because I'm usually wrong!

The flyer contained a how to talk to your pre-teen girl about that fact of life which would befall her at some point in the near future guide. But that was just to pull you in. It was really an advertisement for the new pre-teen line of these.

Again, why? Of all the things in the pre-teen world on which cute graffiti might be "necessary", this is so not one of those things. And, I'll leave it at that.

These things are added to the general angst that exists in the world of 10-12 year old girls. It's enough to make a parent run for the hills.

Instead, I made a run to my "hasn't let me down yet" comfort zone--otherwise known as the nearest book store.

There are miles of books on babyhood, dealing with toddler temper tantrums, how to feed your picky child, how to educate your obviously more brilliant than the rest kid--and then the shelves are rather bare.

After about 10, there are no good books. Parenting doesn't stop at 10 but the books do (generally). This lead me to the conclusion that I'm not the only one who walks around with a blank stare!

In some ways, I would argue, that parenting during the "tween" years is harder and more lonely than having a toddler. Or, more accurately, it's a different kind of hard--one that most of us probably don't handle well.

Y'all, I remember what that age was like. I remember what I was like at that age. I remember the exasperation from my parents. I remember the hurtful things that we said to each other in the heat of pre-teen and teenage battles.

I want to do this stage of parenting well. I want to do it Biblically. I want to learn from it--not so that I can do it better next time because there won't be a next time--but so that we both come out of it with more wisdom and more grace.

So, along this sometimes rocky ride, with all of the stuff I don't understand and sometimes don't like, I'll choose to enjoy this stage. I'll be thankful that I'm getting the privilege to parent this kid that God loves even more than I do. I'll be thankful that, even as lonely as it often feels, I'm not in this alone. I'll be grateful that God redeems mistakes because sometimes I wish I could have a day long "do-over".

And, I'll even try to be thankful that I didn't find any books--otherwise I may put my trust somewhere else.

But, it would be nice to know I'm not alone!!

Foto Friday

2011-04-08T08:03:00.003-05:00

I'm cheating this week and using 2 pictures that Gracen took on a recent trip to a local park--well, I too the bottom picture but, honestly, I like hers better!

The theme for this week's challenge was anything goes. Looking back at my recent pictures, I realized that I really need to expand beyond flowers. But they have been really pretty lately.

This iris (?) grew in our own backyard. I didn't do anything to it--which is probably the reason it is so pretty. My green thumb has been suffering lately!

Have a good weekend!

The Morning Drive

2011-04-06T15:56:00.001-05:00

Well, it happened.

After years of being musically influenced by me and by Jeff (honestly, Jeff much more so than me), Gracen has exerted her own musical preference.

I hope that it is a “just for now” kind of thing.

The boy singer with the slanty haircut has come into my home via the earbuds of my 12 year old.

I realize that whoever invented the earbud thought that they were doing the parents of the world a huge favor. Your kid can hear their own music and you are spared the noise.

Not.in.my.world.

Every morning, the drive to school is punctuated with the totally memorized tunes of Baby, Baby and Never Say Never.

The fact that she has the earbuds in simply means that she has to sing louder to hear herself. So, by default I now know most of the songs—especially the rap-esque parts because that's a particular favorite of my back seat resident.

Did I hear the morning news? Nope.

Did I hear the contest for the freebie this morning? Not a chance.

(I'm particularly partial to radio call in contests because one played a part in how Jeff and I met!)

Do I hear the 80's station that I really like? Not most mornings.

I do take some consolation in the fact that her musical tastes are still pretty varied. The Beatles, some bluegrass, some country, some hymns, and some classical music still occupy valuable iPod space.

Her selections are still carefully monitored by the musical ~~nerd~~brain that is my husband. He teaches her not only about the music but also about the ideas that are conveyed and why it all matters.

I am officially the mother of a pre-teen.

And I am officially reminding myself that the days of driving her to school and hearing that voice in the back seat are truly very few.

I intend to enjoy it all—even if it does include some of the slanty haired boy.

Foto Friday

2011-04-02T07:12:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm late again with Foto Friday!

I wish that I could say that this was my favorite picture of the week or that it remotely had to do with this week's optional challenge (which was shoes, by the way) but....

I can say that it is my favorite photo in the sense that it is the only photo I took this week! This week has been one of the busiest we've had in a while. Good but busy.

PS--There was something over here that made me very happy on this early Saturday morning!

Oh--I'll tell...one of my pictures from last week was chosen as a winner in the photo contest! I love doing these challenges because it makes me think about photography and challenges me to look at things a bit different than usual. I am always completely amazed by some of the other photos entered. They are all so good.

Foto Friday

2011-03-25T21:23:00.005-05:00

The theme of this week's optional challenge was "unfinished business". I didn't really get shots of the theme this week--I had some thoughts but only picked up my camera today!

So, these are some of my favorites from today.
Seeing all the pretty sparkles in black and white almost make me think the pollen is a nice addition. Then, my aching head brings me back to reality!

Maybe this is my unfinished business picture! We've got a lot of parenting yet to do but so grateful that we are parenting this pretty cool kid.

Sometimes You Get What You Ask For

2011-03-23T18:38:00.002-05:00

Over the weekend, we did one of my favorite things. It is a very simple, little thing in the grand scheme of life but isn't that the way with many of the best things?

We watched a show on the National Geographic channel. There is nothing that my animal loving kid likes better than a good animal show—and this one had the added bonus of being a mystery.

The Beast Hunter (new to me) was on the trail of Cappy, a Loch Ness monster type of sea creature, that many locals claim to have seen. The Beast Hunter is a scientist so he wanted to see it before he believed it. He talked to the eye witnesses who all had very similar stories, he went through the possibilities of what this could be, he examined local folk lore. All in all, his investigation was quite thorough.

My girl, with her wealth of 12 year old knowledge and brief stint of investigating the Loch Ness monster, claims that she too isn't going to believe something that she can't see. “What about God?”, we asked her.

I began to pray that God would show Himself to her in a real way. I know that she knows that God is real in her head. I know that she understands that the very creation she so dearly loves is evidence of His presence and power. She knows catechism questions, Bible verses, and Bible stories. She even takes better notes during the sermons than I do. And all of this is exactly the foundation that we want for her, that we prayed for.

My prayer was that, in some way, God would show Himself to her in such an unmistakable way that she would have a physical memory to put on the foundation. She seemed to need this.

On our drive home from school yesterday afternoon, we had a near miss wreck. A tires squalling, horn blowing, swerving with reflexes quicker than I thought I still had kind of near miss. The car was turning into me—it was on me—I had an up close and personal kind of view. There was absolutely no logical reason that we weren't dealing with major damage.

I sincerely thanked God for the fact that it was, indeed, a near miss. I did some deep breathing for the next bit of the drive and Gracen and I both tried to stop shaking. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was supposed to connect the dots. I wasn't sure what this feeling was but it was a definite impressing-upon in my mind.

Finally, it clicked. I had been praying for God to show Himself to Gracen in a real way. What had just happened was a very real way.

We talked about God being there. We talked about the fact that the car was literally on us—she saw that and had braced for impact. We talked about there being no logical explanation for the car not hitting us.

I explained that God protects us from things that we see and from things that we don't see. He is always active and present in our lives and sometimes we get the privilege of seeing it.

I pray she got it. I hope and pray that she has stones of remembrance set in her mind and visits them each time we pass that particular spot.

But, you know, it wasn't just for her. Sometimes it does the adults, the teachers, the parents good too.

(And, by the way, the Beast Hunter decided that even though he couldn't see Cappy or prove its existence in any way, he believed in Cappy. There was simply too much in the depths of the oceans that humans haven't been—and may never be—able to see.)

Food For Thought

2011-03-22T17:38:00.002-05:00

“If I were to walk into your church today, would people see me as a woman, or would they see me as a prostitute?

I did not reply to her somewhat rhetorical question, because I wasn't sure I was proud of the answer. Toos answered with both the mature honesty and compassion she deserved. “Some would see you as a prostitute. But they would be wrong. And it is not how Jesus would see you.”

Annie shook her head resolutely. “No,” she said with conviction, the kind of conviction that only exists when an infinite depth of emotion is attached to it. “The problem with your people is, they tell me I should leave, but they never want to let me forget where I came from either.”

---The Scent of Water by Naomi Zacharias

May we never forget that those who have been given much grace must extend much grace.

And may we never forget that, in His eyes without the shield provided by His Son, we are all prostitutes, hypocrites, murderers, liars, and thieves.

Just Funny

2011-03-20T10:50:00.005-05:00

We spent some time at the farm yesterday afternoon. Beautiful day, riding, great friends, good food--an afternoon well spent and much enjoyed.

I was trying to get a picture of Gracen and Barley really wanted in the picture! I have a feeling this will be one Gracen will want to keep.

Seeing this girl doing something she truly loves makes me smile every time.

Foto Friday

2011-03-18T09:41:00.002-05:00

This week's challenge was green. My favorite photo is the top one but the bottom one had something about it that I liked as well.

So, since I couldn't really decide between the two...

Backpacking Through Joshua Chapter 7

2011-03-18T09:07:00.009-05:00

We've made it to Chapter 7 after a bit of a break. And, boy, what a chapter to dive back in to!

I grew up with a knowledge of most Bible stories. I knew the story of Rahab and the story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho (is the song in your head yet? You're welcome. :) ) But, honestly, it was much later in my adult life before I read through Joshua.

Seeing the weaving together of this book has been fascinating so far—and has taught me much. In Chapter 1, God called Joshua and God strengthened Joshua. In Chapter 2, God protected. In Chapter 3, God demonstrated His power, His majesty, and His leadership through Joshua. Chapter 4, God shows His design for teaching the next generation, His permanence, and His unchanging nature. And, I love that in this chapter God provides the means for this through the stones that were gathered from the middle of the Jordan River!

We see God establish His people and provide them with a connection of sorts to previous generations in Chapter 5. In Chapter 6, God provides victory and very clear instruction regarding the spoils of this victory and keeps His promise to Rahab. God is a covenant keeping God.

Each chapter has show some part of God. Each has taught something unique about Him.

Chapter 7 is no different though perhaps we don't like learning about this part quite so much!

I started out, reading and re-reading this, thinking that it was really about Joshua, the battle, and his reaction to it. Then, it kind of hit me. This is about Achan's sin and God's reaction to it.

Y'all, I have to admit to seeing myself in Achan. We are told that Achan coveted the things he took. I wonder if he also thought that surely God didn't mean He wanted all of the spoils devoted to Him or that God wouldn't miss just a little. (And, what a word—devoted. Set apart to God as an offering for destruction.)

I don't know. All I do know is that Achan didn't obey. He brought God's anger upon all of Israel. And he and his family were stoned and burned. Seems rather harsh.

Where was God's mercy? Where was the grace?

I think it was there. We see God's hand of grace and mercy on the rest of the Israelites. There is even a sense of grace and mercy in Achan admitting to his sin. God grants strength, I think, to admit to sin. Admitting isn't generally something that's easy for humans!

God's grace is even shown in the fact that He demonstrates that He is a holy and just God. Sin will be, has to be punished. As with the law given in Exodus, we see that we not only are we not capable of keeping God's commands but even the punishment is more horrific than we can imagine. We need God to save us, both from our inability to keep the law and from a punishment greater than we can imagine. This all points to Christ. He took the punishment far greater than the one Achen received. A punishment intended for us.

Once the sin was punished, we are told that “the Lord turned from His burning anger”. The place was named the Valley of Achor (trouble) and the stones were “heaped” over Achan. I don't get the impression that this set of stones were neatly placed as the ones in Chapter 4 were. These place would not be a place of happy memories but it would be a place with many lessons to be passed on to future generations.

The God that is leading Israel, the God that had delivered and provided for Israel, the God that won the battles for them—that God is a holy, just God who does, even must, punish sin.

God's grace shines brightly through this. We see that He knows how totally incapable man is of achieving His holiness, of keeping His law, of escaping His punishment. The grace, the beauty, is that God took that punishment on Himself in Christ's death on the cross.

The Girl Is Home

2011-03-16T13:30:00.008-05:00

Gracen got home yesterday afternoon from her choir tour. She had a really good time as evidenced by the fact that she slept really late this morning!

Her first project was to get the pictures off her camera and play with them in iPhoto. (Don't know where she gets that! :) )

Here are few of my favorites.

A List For The Week

2011-03-15T09:40:00.003-05:00

It's a listy kind of day.

Some of my favorite things this week so far...

Swagbucks. LOVE this. You earn swagbucks by searching the web or doing your online shopping through their site. My favorite thing? For 450 swagbucks, you can get a $5 Amazon gift card. I have gotten many books free. A good way to help with my book addiction!! (Click here if you'd like to check it out.)
Spring Break! Ours is this week. It's nice to have a fairly empty calendar.
Netflix. We've been watching The Cosby Show (it's on instant view right now). Gracen has really been enjoying it.
Texts. I didn't much think I would ever like texts but getting them from my girl while she's been on choir tour has been a hoot! She texts what she is doing. I've gotten a couple that said, “Am having lunch.” I am discovering the benefits of texting.
Lists. I simply don't know if I could exist without a list. They are necessary.
Birds at the feeders. Slowly but surely there are more and more—so much fun to watch.
Cleaned out flower beds which lead to #8
Trips to the nursery. The only problem? Choosing a few plants from the many I like!
Summer plans. Gracen will be taking a short cake decorating class at a local bakery and she's really wanting to find a couple of families that may need a “mother's helper” for a few hours each week. She's hoping for a little experience so that she can begin babysitting and for a little spending money. She's saving for a guinea pig. That's so not on my favorite thing list. I'm hoping to convince her that there is a better way to spend the money she's saving.
The prospect of maybe, possibly, hopefully getting my desk cleared off enough to actually see the top of it.

But if the weather stays nice, I can almost guarantee that it won't happen :)!

For Thought

2011-03-14T08:00:00.002-05:00

I just finished reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.

If you haven't had the opportunity to check out that book, please do. I will say that her writing style may not be for everyone but there is much in the book that causes deep thought. I found myself reading a section, putting the book aside and reflecting upon that section for a while.

One section, particularly, stood out to me and has had me thinking on it since I read it.

"When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back. (Exodus 33:22-23).

Is that it? When it gets dark, it's only because God has tucked me in a cleft of the rock and covered me, protected, with His hand? In the pitch, I feel like I'm falling, sense the bridge giving way, God long absent. In the dark, the bridge and my world shakes, cracking dreams. But maybe this is true reality: It is in the dark that God is passing by. The bridge and our lives shake not because God has abandoned, but the exact opposite: God is passing by. God is in the tremors. Dark is the holiest ground, the glory passing by. In the blackest, God is closest, at work, forging His perfect and right will. Though it is black and we can't see and our world seems to be free-falling and we feel utterly alone, Christ is most present to us, I-beam supporting in earthquake. Then He will remove His hand. Then we will look."
--One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp, page 156

Foto Friday

2011-03-11T18:58:00.003-06:00

This week's photo challenge was captioned. This one was difficult for some reason.

And, my apologies for the captions being so small. Photoshop and I were having "issues"! It was fun to try something new though.

Something New

2011-03-11T14:02:00.001-06:00

Several weeks ago, Jeff was installed as an elder in our church.

Our denomination (PCA) has both elders and deacons. Each office is called for a specific task. The deacons handle much of the physical oversight of the church property, the finances, benevolence, and much more. The elders are responsible for more of the spiritual oversight. They deal with teaching, counseling, church discipline, shepherding and, again, much more. Perhaps (and probably) it isn't the “best” system of church government because it was, after all, designed by man but it is one of the best, in my opinion.

When Jeff was approached about being an elder, we spent time discussing and praying. We both felt it was an honor but also, and more importantly, a huge responsibility and a privilege for which we both felt so totally unqualified.

You see, we know each other well. We know the ugliness in our own hearts, we know the ickiness that raises its head in our marriage. We know that we try and still fall so short. We don't know even know how sinful we really are.

And yet, in all of that and perhaps in large part because of all that, God led in this direction.

As I sat in the installation service listening to the sermon, I literally wanted to sink into the chair. I know that my husband, loved as he is by me, is a sinner. He knows that I am as well. Marriage has a way of really showing sinful natures (as does parenting but that's a different post!). Yet, he (especially) and me to a lesser degree were being charged with helping others. He was being charged with being a leader in the church. He was being placed in authority over a covenant group of people who were willingly putting themselves under submission of a group of men just as sinful and needy as they are.

I think historically we place our church leaders on pedestals that are not only undeserved but also highly unrealistic. We expect them to be models of virtue instead of the sinful humans saved by grace that they are. They will fail. They will fall short of expectations. So will their wives.

As I sat there, I began to realize that I had chosen to put myself under the authority of our elders. I chose that. I also realized that they had taken on an enormous office that would cost them a lot. The decisions they made would be ridiculed by someone. Their reputations, their families,and their decisions would be called into question.

These men share a huge responsibility not only to their own families but to their larger covenant family as well. That responsibility looms large and daunting. That responsibility will make them shed tears, it will humble them.

And it will be God that enables them to handle all that the office entails. Knowing that is one thing; trusting it is another.

But just as God gives them grace and wisdom to do what He has called them to do, He gives the congregation grace and wisdom to trust and follow that leadership.

And that grace, given, makes all the difference.

Foto Friday

2011-03-04T08:17:00.003-06:00

This week's optional challenge was edible. This one was tough--especially for one who procrastinated until nearly time to put the picture up!

Because My Husband Said So

2011-03-02T16:35:00.001-06:00

How's that for a title?!

Jeff brought to my attention that I haven't posted anything on my blog in a while. And then he said that he missed reading what I wrote.

I told him he was sweet and didn't think much more about it.

The truth is I haven't been able to write. There is much inside me that needs processing and, generally speaking, writing is as much about processing as it is about creating. Sometimes what I write makes sense and stands the test of some time. Sometimes it doesn't and I find that by the time I'm ready to hit the publish button, I've come to a whole other conclusion about whatever “it” was.

But the writing hasn't come lately. I long since got over putting something up on the blog just to put something up. I'd much rather it be something worth my time to write and hopefully worth someone's time to read.

Here's the real deal. Death changes life—or maybe more truthfully death changes the living. Being with my granddaddy as he took his last breath on this earth was one of the worst and most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. The actual dying part of death reminded me, again, that we are part of a fallen world. Nothing about his death was “easy”. As my parents, sister, and I watched him leave this world, God ushered him into Heaven. And the thought of that, of what he must be seeing and experiencing, that was beautiful. Being there was exactly where I wanted and needed to be and it changed me in ways that I'm not sure I fully understand yet.

Seeing so many people attend his graveside service touched my heart. Friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in years, played a major part in helping our family honor Granddaddy. They comforted and helped us on that day in ways they may never know.

I also learned through all of this that is very possible for a heart to be in 2 places at once. My family and “family” of friends were here, six hours away from me. They provided a lifeline to me several times during my stay. There were messages, emails, and calls. Simply knowing that I was being prayed for by people who know me so well was a comfort.

So, all of that has been swirling through my brain. And it just never has gotten to a point that I felt was coherent enough to write. It still isn't in a real coherent state but I finally came to the realization that it may never be.

I suppose that's ok.

Foto Friday

2011-02-25T07:02:00.002-06:00

The theme this week was hands. These, however, are not pictures that I took this week. In fact, I don't think that my camera has actually been out of the bag at all this week.

I will have to remedy that soon. Much is already blooming around these parts!

Oh, I need to send a very special happy birthday wish to my sister. I hope you have a great day today, Niki!

Foto Friday on Saturday (Again)--and Thank You

2011-02-19T09:07:00.002-06:00

This week's theme for the photo challenge was Valentine. Fortunately, I had taken this picture at the end of last week when I made cupcakes for Kid's Club last Sunday evening!

Also, I don't know that I can adequately say thank you to everyone who has emailed, “Facebook-ed”, and called during this time. Nanny came through the open heart surgery as well as she could have. The next few days and weeks will likely be very tough for her. We'll have a graveside service for Granddaddy tomorrow.

Again, thank you for your care and concern for me and for my family during this time. Your emails and calls have been lifeline of sorts for me and mean more to me than I can ever tell you.

The Trip

2011-02-15T23:17:00.001-06:00

I made a trip today. A trip to my parents' home. I wasn't sure what would happen when I got there (or before, for that matter).

As I drove the miles I've driven many times in the 21 years since I've lived away from home, I had much time to reflect.

I saw billowing, puffy clouds float across a clear blue sky. I saw (really) two men pushing a shopping buggy on which they had perched, precariously, a sofa. I had a chuckle and double checked my rear view to make sure I had seen what I thought I saw. I had.

Mostly I thought of numbers. Sixty-seven, as in years. In that time, there has been a World War, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and the Cold War. There have been approximately 12 U.S. Presidents. America has put a man on the moon, the Beatles invaded, Elvis Presley died, and John F. Kennedy was assassinated. The Berlin Wall came down, the space shuttle Challenger exploded, and 9/11 changed the world.

Through it all, in a small town in Arkansas, one couple has been married. They saw all those things. They welcomed 2 sons, 4 grandchildren, and 3 great granddaughters. They celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, and retirements. They laughed, they fought, they loved, and they cried.

Today, my grandfather lies in a hospital bed in his home literally waiting for God to call him home. My grandmother, his wife of those 67 years, said goodbye to him and was taken to a hospital to undergo major heart surgery. They won't see each other again on this earth.

A heart wrenching goodbye on this earth will eventually be a beautiful reunion in Heaven.

I didn't know as I drove if I would see either of them again. I still haven't seen my grandmother as she is in another town but Granddaddy is still holding on.

As I held his hand, I told him about the lake I had driven by on the way. Lake Chicot is a place we spent many summers. I told Granddaddy once when I was 4 or 5 that I was going to catch “2 crappie and a casting rod”. He laughed about that for years.

“The sky was blue. The lake was shimmering. It was about 65 degrees, perfect weather for fishing,” I said. He squeezed my hand a bit and raised his eyebrows.

Maybe he heard me, maybe he didn't. I was just thankful to have gotten the chance to tell him.

I don't know what the future holds for them. But I know that no matter what is in it, it is God's best—His Plan A.

And I know too, even as good as their 67 years together on this earth were, their future years together will be even better.

Foto Friday

2011-02-11T07:00:00.002-06:00

The theme for this week's challenge was warming. I had thought that it would be really neat to get something melting but wasn't sure how to do it.

I had no idea that the weather would cooperate so nicely! On Wednesday night, the deep South saw what is, for some of us anyway, something very fun. We actually got some snow that wasn't mixed with ice, didn't mess up the roads, and stuck (pun intended) around long enough to play in.

There wasn't much though and it didn't pack together very well but it was very pretty.

When I saw that there were icicles on the house, I wondered if I could catch the drip of one actually melting. The picture above is my attempt. You can see a drip about to fall from the shortest icicle.
But, then I saw the way the sun was shimmering through the ones on the corner of the house. The picture doesn't do the beauty justice but I was happy to get a little sunny sparkle in the shot!

Backpacking Through Joshua Week 5

2011-02-10T16:16:00.001-06:00

Maybe it's because of other things that are going on in my life right now but as I read this chapter this week, I kept thinking of connections.

God provided a connection for this generation of Israelites through the circumcision. This generation hadn't been circumcised as the previous generation had been. This one was born after they left Egypt during the forty years of wandering. Through circumcision, they were set apart and marked as God's people. They were also connected to the previous generation. In my mind, they are reminded of their “set apart-ness” but also of the previous generation and their mistakes.

That's just beautiful to me. God provided a sense of connection, a bond to a people who probably felt very unconnected in their new land. They were set apart but they weren't alone.

The other connection point that I saw was at the end of the chapter when Joshua was told by the commander of the Lord's army to “take off your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy”. Hello, Exodus 3:5! This is a bit of an assumption on my part, but I'm guessing that Joshua had heard the story of Moses and the burning bush and the words that God spoke to him. Surely the hairs on the back of Joshua's neck stood up when those words were spoken to him! God's people were set apart and generationally connected.

This kind of set apart (and, honestly, this kind of connection) is really only fully understood through an opening of the heart that only God can provide. Realizing that I am a part of something so much bigger than myself and that there is a responsibility, indeed a commitment, is not something that I can do or even desire to do outside of God's grace and strength.

Being set apart isn't like wearing a sticker that says, “Hello, My Name is Christian”. It is the very essence of a person—it's something they have no control over. Because if I have any control over it, then I can rip off that sticker. Being set apart and having the kind of connections that believers are called to throughout Scripture is hard—and it's messy. I have to be honest about my sin and my struggles with others. I have to be forgiving when I don't want to be. I have to be understanding when it goes against everything in me. I have to not unleash my tongue when they really, really deserved it! I have to apologize again..and again.

Being set apart does look different. It shouldn't look like a cheap imitation of anything this world has to offer. It isn't something that can be conjured up on a whim.

It is something so deep, so permanent, and so unnatural that it had to be done by someone perfect.

On My Mind...

2011-02-08T12:35:00.002-06:00

Parenting has been on my mind and my heart lately.

You see, I was a very foolish person. I (wrongly) assumed that my common sense approach to parenting that has worked fairly well with my child would continue.

Silly, silly me.

We have now entered—actually been there for a bit—the world of pre-teen and, while Gracen isn't having what I would call “typical” pre-teen angst, whatever she's going through certainly doesn't respond to common sense.

So, we mosey through trying to figure out exactly who we are and why we are here!

Actually, I know who—I am the parent and must remain so when there are times that everything in me wants to run screaming from the room. She needs me, whether she knows it or cares to admit it. And she needs me to be her parent.

She is the child, still, even though she's morphing day by day into a young lady. She needs to learn how to navigate this new-to-her world with grace.

We are here because this time, this place, these particular seemingly angst filled, hormone fueled days are exactly where God placed us. These days, like any other, will show us some part of Himself.

The biggest problem I face?

The ghosts of the past—and some of the present. (I'm just one short of Scrooge though if I think about it long enough, the future ghosts show up too.)

I'm a good rule follower. Always have been. My parents would lay down the law and I knew better than to break it. I did break it sometimes, holding my breath that they wouldn't find out but they always did.

My tendency is to be a law layer-downer. You follow the rules and do it cheerfully or at the very least respectfully.

Problem is, while obedience is necessary (and there are, without a doubt, times when the rule just. simply. has to be followed), I'm not sure I'm getting through to her heart when I just require obedience to the law.

Obedience is non-negotiable and there are consequences for disobedience. But, more than anything, I want to get her heart. My desire is for her to want to obey from a heart that is soft and understanding.

I can't change her heart though. I can show her her own disobedience. I can teach. I can guide. I can love. I can disciple and punish when necessary. But, change—that isn't mine. And that's where my frustration really lies, I suppose.

I pray for her obedience and my own. I pray for her will and my own to be softened. I pray that her heart and my own will be molded. I pray that her tongue and my own will be gentle. I pray for godly friends for her and am thankful for mine. I pray for the influence of godly older women in her life. Honestly, I pray for an older, wiser woman to come alongside me in this season that has shattered any confidence I had in my parenting skills! I pray, too, that I will remember this season and be willing to listen and share any tidbits of wisdom I may have gleaned with someone coming behind me.

Thankfully, there are glimmers of heart change. There are reminders that this is, in fact, just a season. (Thank goodness!) And there are even still freely given hugs, just not as often.

Once again I stand amazed and thankful.

For Today...

2011-02-06T07:25:00.002-06:00

Whate'er My God Ordains Is Right

What-e'er my God ordains is right: his holy will abideth;

I will be still what-e'er he doth, and follow where he guideth.

He is my God; though dark my road, he holds me that I shall not fall:

wherefore to him I leave it all.

What-e'er my God ordains is right: he never will deceive me;

he leads me by the proper path; I know he will not leave me.

I take, content, what he hath sent; his hand can turn my griefs away,

and patiently I wait his day.

What-e'er my God ordains is right: though now this cup, in drinking, may bitter seem to my faint heart, I take it, all unshrinking.

My God is true; each morn anew sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,

and pain and sorrow shall depart.

What-e'er my God ordains is right: here shall my stand be taken;

though sorrow, need, or death be mine, yet am I not forsaken.

My Father's care is round me there; he holds me that I shall not fall: and so to him I leave it all.

This rich hymn was written by Samuel Rodigast in 1675. It is one of my all time favorites.

Foto Friday

2011-02-04T09:33:00.003-06:00

It's Foto Friday again! The optional challenge was rainbow. I had to get a little creative since we had the two extremes of sunny or rainy--with nary a natural rainbow to be found.

I set up some of Gracen's crayons on the back table in the hopes of capturing the crayons and some of the setting sun in the background.

This is what I got (above).

This is by far my favorite. Gracen got this one. She doesn't get the the opportunity to use the “good” camera a lot but I thought she did great on this one.

Backpacking Through Joshua Week 4

2011-02-02T17:12:00.003-06:00

Each chapter that I read in Joshua, I think, “oh, this is my favorite so far”! I think because in each I've learned something new.

Chapter 4 was no different. The Israelites have almost finished crossing the Jordan River and God gives specific instructions about constructing a memorial to Him. Twelve stones are to be gathered, one for each tribe, from the middle of the Jordan. They are to be set up as a permanent memorial to God's provision for His people.

One of the first things that stood out to me was verses 6 and 7:

...When your children ask in time to come, “What do those stones mean to you?” then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever.

These words immediately made me think of Deuteronomy 11:19-20

“You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Now, obviously, in Deuteronomy the reference is to the actual words of God (verse 18 clarifies) but the idea is there. In both cases, God was very clear about actively teaching the next generation. This, to me, is such a sweet way of showing that God cares about families.

The other thing that stood out was that this was permanent. This wasn't a memorial set up to withstand the next few months. This was a 12 stone monument that verse 9 tells us is still there “to this day.” What a beautiful picture to the Israelites (and to us) of the unchangeable, unshakable nature of God.

Both of these things speak to a caring, loving God. In all honesty, there have been many times in my life when I viewed God as a “meanie” sitting up there waiting to zap me for all those wrongs I did. Because I am such a rule follower, things were pretty clear to me. Following rules = Good girl and rewards. Not following rules (or questioning the rules) = Bad girl and punishment While rules are good and necessary, meting them out without the umbrella of grace and forgiveness simply equals misery because no one can live up to the rules.

He doesn't change. He didn't leave us without just as He didn't leave the Israelites. Even when they “broke the rules”!

God made provisions for the Israelites. He even told them what to teach their children. Teach them about my provision, my words, my commandments, my love, my grace, my forgiveness. All of these things point to the whole of God. Not just one part. Focusing on any one part of God to the exclusion of the other takes away a vital part from the whole of God.

One of the pitfalls of being married to a music guy is that very often a hymn or song sneaks in! This is actually one that I don't recall us having sung very often but the words grabbed me.

Great God, How Infinite Art Thou!

Great God, how infinite art thou! How poor and wear are we!

Let the whole race of creatures bow and pay their praise to thee.

Thy throne eternal ages stood, ere seas or stars were made:

thou are the everliving God, were all the nations dead.

Eternity with all its years, stands present in thy view;

to thee there's nothing old appears; to thee there's nothing new.

Our lives through various scenes are drawn, and vexed with trifling cares;

while thine eternal thought moves on thine undisturbed affairs.

Great God, how infinite are thou! How poor and weak are we!

Let the whole race of creatures bow, and pay their praise to thee.

This song, along with the reading of Joshua 4, reminded me that indeed one of the most gracious gifts we receive from God is His unchanging, never swerving nature.

This and That

2011-02-01T17:01:00.001-06:00

Well, while the rest of the country braces for a snow storm of apocalyptic proportions, we here in the deep South are getting rain and wind.

Could someone please send some snow (no ice, thankyouverymuch) our way?

My daughter is hoping that this round of wind will be the round that will bring our neighbor's dead tree down. The dead tree that is on the fence line. We've not gotten a privacy fence thinking sure as we got one then it would fall.

She's hoping for a new trampoline out of the deal.

Apparently, though, the tree has some kind of root system.

In other totally random news, I am going to be teaching again, at least for a while.

After having been a stay at home executive for the past 12 years.

Nervous? Me? Totally.

I'll be teaching Pre-K at the Classical School that Gracen is attending. Fortunately (for the children, probably), it is only 2 mornings a week. My degree was in Child Development and I thoroughly enjoyed the teaching I did before we had Gracen. Teaching her was a joy too once I finally realized that it was ok (and even much more enjoyable) if I relaxed a bit and realized that even a quality education will have some holes. We wanted her to love learning and she does. I loved learning with her.

Teaching Pre K classically is very different from my college training—I think it is much better! And, much better suited to the way children learn.

Well, I wish that I had thought to put something in the crock pot for dinner but... It is now 5:00 p.m.--the “wonder what's for dinner” hour. Oh, how I wish someone would teach me a) how to get out of the rut we are with meals and b) how to do it on a better budget!

Have a good evening!

Foto Friday on Saturday (Again)

2011-01-29T07:21:00.002-06:00

I'm late again with Foto Friday!

The optional theme this week was stripes. This was the one picture that I got this week—in fact this one picture is from the one time that I picked up the camera this week (how sad that makes me)!

There are stripes on the tablecloth but this was one of those pictures that called out for black and white. And black and white covers a few of the wrinkles in the cloth, in case my mom is reading :)!

Next week's optional theme is rainbows. I have a feeling I'm going to be creating my own! Let me know you if you see any though.

Have a great weekend!

Backpacking Through Joshua Week 3

2011-01-27T19:08:00.001-06:00

Well, here we are! Week 3 of Backpacking Through Joshua.

Before I go any further, I feel the need to tell you that this week has been strange and very busy around these parts! I hope that some of my thoughts make sense but can't really guarantee that it will.

The Israelites are getting ready to cross the Jordan River. They have received specific instruction from God concerning this. God has told Joshua that “He is going to exalt him (Joshua) in the sight of all Israel so that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you.”

And then, God does the wondrous, miraculous parting of the Jordan. He does this by “heaping” (love that word picture) the waters from the Jordan very far away. One additional resource I read said that the town (Adam) was roughly 12 miles away. This was done at the time of year (spring) when the Jordan was the highest.

In much the same way as He had with the Red Sea, God demonstrated His power, His majesty, and His leadership all for His glory. While Joshua was being set up as the leader of Israel, there was no way that this event could have been credited to him. This was, I think, so that the Israelites would see that their true leader was God.

Certainly, He was using Joshua just as He had used Moses. But, all of the “work” (the parting, the driving out of the other people in v. 10) was God's for God's glory.

God was gracious to the people of Israel in so many ways but one of the most beautiful ones to me in this passage (and in Exodus 14) was that He gave them a physical representation of His presence. In this case it was the Ark of the Covenant. In Exodus 14, it was the pillar of fire and the pillar of clouds. They were not alone. I think that maybe God knew it would be difficult for their finite minds to follow one they couldn't see.

I love that they, like us, are so precious to God that He gives us what we don't even know that we need.

I also love that God's leadership isn't dependent on my following. He will lead. But, in His grace and mercy, He melts my heart (to borrow that lovely phrase from Chapter 2) so that I want to follow Him. Do I always? No. Do I always do it “just right”? Absolutely not. But, again, God provides grace in the form of discipline, teaching, and forgiveness. How beautiful that is—and even more beautiful still is that fact that none of is me.

As for the questions this week, I honestly didn't get to those. I've had some things thrown at me this week that I'll fill you in on more later!

Right now, I'm off to enjoy some family time and some quality reading. (There are 2 books that I can't wait to tell you about but I want to finish them first!)

Prayer Request

2011-01-26T09:09:00.003-06:00

This picture was taken at Nanny's 80^th birthday celebration.

Granddaddy was diagnosed with terminal cancer a bit ago. He has been in more pain and a little more confused lately. It is the disease, well, acting like a disease. Knowing why doesn't make it easier. It does enable everyone to know better how to help him though.

Nanny found out yesterday that she has a major problem with her heart. Further testing is necessary to know exactly what is going on.

I would appreciate prayers for our family. Prayers for my grandparents' comfort and peace. Prayers for my parents and sister who deal with the everyday. Prayers for those of us living long distance as we process, figure how to best help, and try to encourage when we can't physically be there.

Happy Birthday, Gracen!

2011-01-21T07:00:00.001-06:00

Our girl turns 12 today. The peace symbol cake has been made and enjoyed by a small group of her friends who gathered for a party on Monday since school was out.

Gifts have been opened except for a couple from us.

The flowers she picked out as table decorations still decorate the table—at least for a bit longer.

It's hard to believe that time has gone so fast. I always thought it was cliché until it actually started happening. Now it isn't so cliche. It goes in the very blink of eye.

I loved the little baby so small and sweet with a ready smile and sticky up hair.

I loved the toddler who would regularly put herself in the hall for time out because she had done what I told her not to and who always had a hug and an “I love nou” for us.

I loved the little girl who marched to her own beat and wore her Dorothy dress, complete with red shoes and a basket with a stuffed dog, everywhere.

I loved the little girl who was so eager to learn and loved to read.

I loved the child who would always, always find an animal of some kind to love on.

I love the young lady that is still all of these things only so much more. As her world grows, so does her heart. And as her mother, I get the privilege of being a part of it all.

You are loved beyond measure, Gracen.

Backpacking Through Joshua Week 2

2011-01-19T18:32:00.003-06:00

This week, the backpacking trail went through the land of Jericho, specifically to Rahab's , a prostitute, home.

There were a couple of questions assigned to answer based on the reading of Joshua 2.

--Have you ever been influenced in either a positive or negative way concerning your relationship with Jesus? How does this influence your behavior now?

--How much responsibility do you think Christians have to live a particular way?

As I read through Joshua 2, I wasn't really thinking about the chapter along these lines, though I will try to answer the questions later!

What struck me most about this chapter was that Rahab seemed to believe in the God of the Israelites before the men had gotten there. And, apparently, no one led her to this belief. Verses 8-11:

“Before the men lay down, she came up to them on the roof and said to the men, “I know that the Lord has given you the land, and that the fear of you has fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land melt away before you. For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon and Og, whom you devoted to destruction. And as soon as we heard it, our hearts melted, and there was no spirit left in any man because of you , for the Lord your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath.”

My favorite part? She (and others, too) heard and their hearts melted. I don't know if that means someone told them just in passing. “Hey, did you hear about the Red Sea? It was parted for the Israelites.” Perhaps someone told her and shared more about the God of the Israelites.

For me, it doesn't matter. What matters is that God melted (love that!) her heart simply by hearing about His miracle. Her heart was softened toward God and the men of God that came into her home.

The Israelites walked across the Red Sea on dry land between walls of water. But it wasn't long before they were complaining, seemingly always wanting to see more of God's provision, guidance, and care. Very often I am like that. Maybe we all are. Maybe that is the beauty of God. He calls, softens, teaches, softens again, disciplines, and teaches. It's a circle that almost any parent can relate to. It's a circle that sinful humans are caught up in like fish swimming in a tank.

Another part of the chapter that I loved was the scarlet cord. I love that so much of the Old Testament has references to Christ. The scarlet cord reminds me of the tremendous sacrifice that Christ gave—that He gave so that we would be saved from our sin. Just as the scarlet cord saved Rahab and her family. They were covered by that cord—it was a symbol that they were set apart, part of a different group from the one in which they lived.

As for the questions...

I have been influenced concerning my relationship with Christ. Christians have influence over each other to some degree. This is why it is so important to a) know Scripture and b) to be very careful about the kind of teaching/authority you place yourself under. Much Christian teaching isn't actually very Scriptural. I guess the older I get, the more I realize just how important it is to view everything in light of Scripture. This view makes even the “ordinary” take on a whole new meaning!

Christians do have a responsibility to live according to the Bible. However, it is very important to realize that any good works that we do or have are because of the enabling of God. We are sinful not “basically good” people.

It is also the work of God to soften others' hearts toward Him. It is a tragedy to expect non Christians to behave as though they were Christians. I mean, really, why would they?! Perhaps the most loving thing we as believers can do is to stop expecting those in our world to act as believers. That doesn't mean not befriending them, it simply means accepting them where they are. Maybe to do that, though, we have to admit to ourselves that our cleanliness and good works aren't really ours. Maybe it means admitting to ourselves that we don't have it all together, that we are really a mess, and that all our good works really are filthy rags.

But, then that's where it gets really good. Because then that's when the scarlet cord shines the brightest—when we lose ourselves, are dependent on God, and so very thankful that He softens hearts and sometimes even gives us the chance to be a part of it.

Foto Friday on Saturday

2011-01-15T16:31:00.003-06:00

I am so glad that Rebecca has started up Foto Friday again! My creativity needs a challenge. I haven't picked up the camera much this week--can't believe it!

This is about the only picture I snapped this week. One of our many squirrels that come to visit on a daily basis. But there is a birthday this week so I'm sure pictures a plenty will be taken.

My Mini Rant

2011-01-13T10:24:00.001-06:00

I am going to indulge for a few minutes in a mini rant. Please forgive me in advance!

I love to read. Because my bookshelves are laden, I have been trying to utilize the library more often especially for things that are “popular”. This means that I have to add my name to the wait list a lot.

Yesterday, I picked up 2 books for which I had been waiting—one since before Christmas. One was Water for Elephants because there is a movie coming out based on this and because, even though I'm usually disappointed in movies based on books (save one—the best of all time, in my humble opinion), I still like to read the books before the movie comes out. I also got Unbroken and I can not wait to get into it.

Since I was less excited about Water for Elephants, I decided to start with that. The book is about a traveling circus and is set in the depression era. I began reading and began to notice that some words were ~~marked through~~ blacked out. And, y'all, when something is blacked out, I have to know what it is.

I finally figured out that it was a curse word (one of the big ones that begins with G and uses God's name). I flipped through the book and, sure enough, all of them were blacked out.

Do I agree with this particular word? Absolutely, certainly not.

However.

There were other “biggie bad” words that were left unmarked. And, some of these are just as offensive to me personally as the one that was blacked out.

I am not a proponent of liberal uses of curse words in general; however, given the setting of this book and the characters that the author is building, I would think that these would be the types of words they would use. They are rough characters.

I do object to someone taking it upon themselves to censor a library book. One that they did not purchase. If you have a problem with the content of a book, take it back. Don't read it. The solution is very simple.

I wonder if this black pen wielding person thinks that vandalism trumps cursing? One has to be very careful when going down that slippery slope of moral police (whatever “side” one is on).

Like I said, I'm not a proponent of lots of salty language—nor I am a proponent of many of the ideas that are presented in some books. In all honesty, there are many “Christian” (and some extremely popular) that I would never recommend because they are contrary to Scripture. And, that in so many ways, is more of an offense to me than curse words (even the biggie bad ones).

I am saying that, contrary to the belief of many, the idea that morality will somehow solve all the world's ills is ludicrous. Many times much of our thoughts on morality are simply not Scriptural and we, as sinful human beings, tend to be very Pharisaical with our morality and approaches to others regarding it.

I don't know whether the author of this book is a Christian and, if not, I don't expect her to write with any thought to the Ten Commandments. Expecting a non-Christian to act as a Christian is tantamount to expecting a tiger to act like a giraffe.

I guess, in short, I'm much more comfortable letting God work in an individual's heart and change it as He sees fit. I'm just not at all comfortable with my ability to be the world's conscious. Nor am I comfortable with censorship. I am confident in my ability to “police” myself. I can choose not to read book, turn the television off, or remove myself from a situation. I am also a firm believer that, in order for society to freely function, everyone must have the right to freely say and write. Some offensive, even really bad things need to be remembered and read from time to time hopefully to insure that those things are not repeated.

So, to the black pen wielder, put away the pen especially on books that are not yours!

Rant now concluded.

Backpacking Through Joshua Week One

2011-01-11T15:13:00.004-06:00

Backpacking Through Joshua Week One

I found out about this online Bible study through this blog. This was something completely new to me and I was intrigued. I also knew, honestly, that I needed some kind of accountability when doing a Bible study.

So, this is week one and the first chapter of Joshua was the assigned reading. You know, the chapter of “be strong and courageous”.

Strong—a word with many, many definitions-- physically powerful; in a healthy and sound condition; performing well or in a normal manner; morally powerful, having strength of character or will. And, courageous (or courage for dictionary purposes)--the attitude of facing and dealing with anything recognized as dangerous, difficult, or painful, instead of withdrawing from it.

Moses was gone; God had raised Joshua up as the new leader and had, again, reminded them of His promise to give the Israelites a vast expanse of land. I can only imagine that Joshua was, shall we say, a bit nervous!

God did tell Joshua 4 times to be strong and courageous but you know what stood out to me most? In verse 5 before God tells Joshua to be strong and courageous for the first time, He says, “ Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.”

Joshua's strength and courage doesn't rest with him. He could have been physically strong or a weakling. He could have been the most courageous man in all of Israel or he could have been afraid of his own shadow. I don't think it really mattered because it was God. The God who had promised this land to Abraham so many years before and had taken both sides of the covenant upon Himself (Genesis 15). The God who was faithful to the Israelites when they were anything but faithful to Him.

That God.

Reading through this reminded me, again, how very glad I am that I don't depend on my own strength. Oh, there have been times when I have been tempted to believe my own press and think that I was strong and that I handle things well. Whatever strength or courage I may have on any given day is in no way reflective of anything in and of me.

Heck, in my own strength I don't have the strength to stay away from chocolate or the courage to kill a spider! :)

In the big things of life and the small things—sometimes most especially in the small things (because, you see, those little things are the ones that trip me up most), I need to be reminded often that my strength isn't my own.

So, I am looking forward to this study, re-reading Joshua and learning (and knowing me relearning) some truths. I'm looking forward to seeing what other people glean from this and getting to know some online friends!

Daybook

2011-01-11T08:11:00.003-06:00

Outside My Window

Cold and cloudy. The snow that was predicted turned out to be mostly ice. No school yesterday or today--am glad to have my girl with me but am so ready to see some sunshine!!

I am Listening to

The sounds of The Dick Van Dyke show coming from the living room. My child is a lover of black and whites--Andy, Lucy, and Dick Van Dyke.

I am Wearing

Yoga pants and T-shirt. Standard issue comfy clothes for a day at home!

I am so Grateful for

Safety and protection. Jeff had a minor issue on the interstate Sunday that could have easily been a very major issue.

I'm Pondering

Much!

I am Reading

A Landscape With Dragons by Michael O'Brien.

I am Thinking

about what to thaw out for dinner! I have to start early or I wait too late!

I am Creating

New schedules and organizational things to hopefully bring some structure to my sometimes scattered day.

On my iPod/iPad

Spoken From the Heart by Laura Bush. Listening to it when on my "domestic Mondays".

Around the House

Rearranged our front room, which was the school room, over the weekend. Still trying to tweak things but loving it so far.

The Spiritual Life

Excited about 2 Bible studies--one through Hebrews and one through Joshua. The Joshua study is an online study--never done anything like that and am looking forward to it.

From the Kitchen

Trying to organize recipes--am trying to find a good system. So far nothing has worked well.

Also trying to think about how to make Gracen's requested birthday cake!

One of My Favorite Things This Week:

Finding out that Gracen's headaches are probably caused by changes in eyesight and (hopefully) glasses will help. Not crazy about the cost of the glasses but am excited that this is an easy fix to a frustrating problem for her.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Weather day today then school tomorrow. All the "extra" activities also start back this week so it will be a busy ending to the week.

A Picture Thought:

Molly in her usual position! She lives to cuddle up someplace.

Book Review

2011-01-10T14:55:00.003-06:00

I recently received a copy of The Quotable Chesterton by Kevin Belmonte from Thomas Nelson Publishers for review.

From the Publisher:

The Quotable G. K. Chesterton is a comprehensive, accessible survey of Chesterton's greatest ideas and writings.

With more than 850 passages showcasing his brilliance and masterful writing style, it covers topics from Academia to Painting, Politics to Architecture, Jane Austen to John Bunyan, Jesus to Fairy Tales.

Fans and first-time readers of Chesterton will discover topics that dominated thought and life throughout the 20th century and have influenced our own time . . . all from the view of a man the New York Times hailed as a "brilliant English essayist" and who George Bernard Shaw called a "colossal genius."

Chesterton created a bulwark in his own day to defend Christian faith and assert a Christian view throughout culture. As readers encounter the breadth of his genius, they will find compelling reasons to emulate his unceasing fight for truth and beauty.

My Thoughts:

If anyone is quotable, it is G.K. Chesterton. This book is a collection of quotes covering almost any subject imaginable.

The book is arranged alphabetically by subject, making it easy to find a quote. Need a quote dealing with injustice? Head to ''I" and you'll get several!

As someone who hasn't read a lot of G.K. Chesterton's books, I found this a very accessible way to get familiar with this author. My husband, who has read several of Chesterton's books, was equally excited about this.

This was a fun book to read through and one that will be referred to often in this quote loving home!

My thanks to Thomas Nelson Publishers for providing this book in exchange for this review.

Lessons From the Kitchen Window

2011-01-06T15:57:00.004-06:00

The house I grew up in had a kitchen window that faced into our backyard. As my sister and I played, we'd sometimes see Mom in the window. She was doing some kitchen duty and may or may not have been actually watching us. But, it was a comfort to look through the window and see her standing there.

I didn't know until we moved into our home with its own kitchen window facing the backyard how much I wanted one! The light coming into the kitchen changes with every season. And every season it seems to take me by surprise.

There is a large (triple trunked) oak tree just off the porch. It drops a ~~plethora~~ ~~abundance~~ an obscene amount of acorns every year. The squirrels love it. Even Biscuit has been known to have an acorn on occasion. Those of us trying to walk without rolling across the back porch generally don't enjoy them so much!

The acorns bring squirrels, of course. And chipmunks who burrow underneath the porch and disrupt the bricks and whom Biscuit the golden retriever should in theory and by nature chase but is, in fact, relatively useless.

Despite their destructiveness, there is a part of me that really enjoys watching the squirrels. (I am working on an affinity for the chipmunks--when I stop tripping on uprooted bricks it may be easier.) There are a particular three that seem to really enjoy the huge triple trunked tree.

They chase each other around the tree early in the morning while I am getting Gracen's lunch ready. Up and down, around and around.

Then there is the one pictured. He comes around late every afternoon with his acorn in his paws. He sits and munches while I am in the kitchen getting dinner started. I've started calling him Martin.

As I scurry about trying to get some sort of dinner ready, usually with too many things going through my mind to be really focused on any one thing, I occasionally look out at Martin.

For all the busyness that squirrels display throughout the day, playing, gathering, storing those acorns (in the most inopportune places, I might add), he is still in the relative quiet of the yard. He is simply enjoying a meal that was provided for him. He savors it. He rests while he eats--maybe he takes the squirrel equivalent of a few deep breaths.

My mind is rarely still long enough to savor anything. In fact, my mind is usually racing so rapidly and about so many things that I can barely think coherently let alone be still and savor. And even though I think that our life is fairly quiet (and it is by some standards) there are, truly, very few moments of the day when there isn't some form of noise (radio, iPod, etc) to keep me company.

I'm hoping to take a lesson from Martin the squirrel. Relax, enjoy, and savor for a few minutes each day. Take a few minutes to simply be in the quiet. I often look at nature (often from behind the lens of my camera) and wonder at the many lessons God built into His beautiful creation.

Simple lessons that often get missed because we are either so busy or so focused on the big picture that sometimes we miss the small ones.

New Year, New Look

2011-01-02T07:53:00.003-06:00

For as long as I have had a blog, I have wanted to make one of the cute banners for the top. I tried on several occasions. Occasionally, I'd get the picture I wanted to appear but not the nifty font. Sometimes it would be the other way round.

Last night, I gave it another shot. I may never, ever be able to do it again but for now it is there! I LOVE it when something works like it is "supposed" to.

I have been trying to decide whether to make official new year's resolutions or goals. There used to be nothing more satisfying to me that to have a list of something, anything and see items one by one get marked off--it was my version of getting a gold star. Then, something happened--probably just simply life--and my lists got shoved aside. I was lucky to find my lists let alone remember to cross anything off!

Toward the end of last year, I read The Happiness Project. There was much in her approach that intrigued me.

Accountability is a good thing--and a much needed one for most of us. However, I'm not as quite as "gold star" oriented as I used to be. Well, I am but now I want my gold stars to come from certain people--the appeal of checking an item off a list, while still a bit of thrill, doesn't hold the same appeal as someone close to me smiling or being genuinely happy.

So, as I have thought toward some type of resolution or goal for 2011, I've been kind of in a quandary; many of the things I want to improve on, learn to do, or accomplish are solitary--some are just downright private. I have struggled with how to have accountability. I don't have a good answer here. Perhaps I will bring back the list, made with a new pen in a new journal. I am, after all, a sucker for office supplies. Yes, I am that person.

In the meantime, I thought I would share a few of my "hope to's" for 2011.

--I hope to continue to read much.
--I hope to read through The Heidelberg Catechism with Jeff and Gracen.
--I hope to learn digital photography.
--I hope to find some way of (finally) organizing my recipes--and I hope to try a few new ones!
--I hope to have more "date" time with Jeff.
--I hope to visit my family more often.
--I hope, in some very specific ways, to be a better friend.

Those are just a few. There are more but my time is getting away from me this morning!

What about you? Do you make resolutions or goals? Do you monitor your progress? How?

Happy New Year!!

Book Review

2011-01-02T07:00:00.003-06:00

I received The Liturgical Year by Joan Chittister from Thomas Nelson Publishers for review.

I was excited to receive this book because, with the exception of a few, I don't know of many books that go through the liturgical year. There was nothing on the front of the book (which was all I had to go on when selecting) that this was a distinctly Catholic book. (And, for any Catholic readers, please know that that isn't a "knock" just simply something that folks should be aware of :). )

The book does a good job of going through the entire year and of explaining each. In addition to Advent, Christmas, Lent, and Easter there is a chapter on Paschaltide, Models and Heroes, and Marian Feasts.

I am somewhat familiar with the liturgical year, however, there were many things in this book for which I had no point of reference because they were distinctly Catholic. This book is marketed to a broad "Christian" audience though. I think that marketing perhaps makes assumptions of knowledge that isn't there for most non-Catholics.

This book is part of a series from Thomas Nelson called The Ancient Practices Series which includes not only this book but also: The Sacred Meal, Tithing, Sabbath, and Fasting (among several others).

My thanks to Thomas Nelson for sending me this book in exchange for my review.

Reflections

2010-12-31T15:48:00.010-06:00

Every year I marvel at how fast the time flies. When did this little girl sporting her favorite horse shirt and missing front tooth turn into...
this young lady? I'm sure I only blinked a couple of times.
When she was little, her favorite book was Mud Pie Annie. Fortunately she still enjoys making mud pies in the back yard. Seeing her with mud on her hands makes the fact that she will be 12 in less than a month a little easier to bear. A little.

Every Christmas, there seem to be a few photos that soar into the priceless category almost as soon as they are downloaded. This year, these two were among them.
My grandfather with 2 of his great granddaughters.
And, Nanny and Granddaddy.

Then there's that picture that you just know you should delete but somehow can't make yourself.

That picture that you know will result in a rather loud phone call.

That picture that will forever make you stay on the taking side of the camera.

That picture that will make you laugh when you need it most.

The picture that will hopefully make your sister realize that the true joy in life comes from knowing that she made another person smile!

PS--For the record, Jeff pushed the publish button!!! :)

Books

2010-12-23T08:08:00.002-06:00

Please excuse me while I shout just a minute.....

52!!!!!!

That's the number of books I've read this year. Honestly, I was shocked when I counted! I know for some people that number is very low. For anyone interested, the book list is on the sidebar!

I began this year with a goal of reading 2 books a month which was a pretty lofty goal for me. I have a bad habit of starting way too many books and not finishing them. I also have a love-hate relationship with most fiction. I love a good story--but much of the fiction (that I've come across at least) is fluff at best. I want a good, can't put the book down kind of story! Adding to those is the sheer factor of time. I am sometimes not the best manager of my time, ahem.

I had no plan for reading. I just read whatever struck my interest at a given moment. The more I read, the more I ~~wanted~~had to read!

So, for this year I think I may try to have a very loose plan. There are some things I really want to read, like C.S. Lewis for instance. Beyond The Chronicles of Narnia, I've not read anything else. This will be my next selection from the library as soon as it becomes available--love library wait lists!

I've got several books started that I'll (hopefully) finish within the month. Jeff and I are reading through John Piper's Desiring God. I've also been trying to read Little Women, which is Gracen's current literature book at school. Also on the started pile is this gem. I just started this and it has made me laugh out loud several times already.

So, do you make a reading list? Are there certain books that you love and re-read?

In case I don't blog again before Christmas--we wish you a very safe and very Merry Christmas!!

Ready for Christmas

2010-12-21T07:36:00.003-06:00

I came in one morning and found Gracen marking all her gifts in the order she was going to open them--Biscuit had to help, of course!
I think the girl is definitely ready for some Christmas fun!

Christmas Stuff

2010-12-15T19:14:00.006-06:00

You know, I really don't intend to be such a sporadic blogger. I love writing--I guess I just don't make enough time during the day!

Christmas has been in full (read: busy) swing around here. Traditionally, we put up the tree Thanksgiving weekend but things just didn't work out for that this year.

Jeff stopped by one evening the week after Thanksgiving and picked out our tree by himself and brought it home. I was so grateful that he was willing to do that! We decked the tree with our traditional ornaments--many of which have been with us for years. I love pulling those ornaments out and remembering where they came from, who made them, or the story behind them.
Gracen and I had a girls' evening out. We enjoyed a pizza at Depalma's and then watched the Christmas parade in the cold. (Those of you who know me well know that it was extremely cold for me to be cold!) In fact, it was so cold that I paid way too much money for 2 cups of hot cocoa.

It was a very fun evening with my girl despite the cold.
This past weekend were the concerts of the Alabama Choir School. Gracen has been a member for 2 1/2 years and has enjoyed it so much. The concerts are always wonderful. The kids (and directors) work very hard.
Sunday night was our annual church concert. In years past, the choir has done a Lessons & Carols service. It has always been a beautiful service that primarily directs our hearts to the beauty and holiness of the season but also showcases the hard work and dedication of our choir and musicians.

However, this year we had a "Family Christmas" and people who may not ordinarily be involved in the music program (in addition to those who are) presented different musical selections. It was a lot of fun!

Gracen played "O Come All Ye Faithful" on the piano--and did a very good job (says her mom who may be just a little biased :) ). We had so many people participate. It was neat to see the uniqueness of our church family. It really was a special way to celebrate the season.

Gracen's school program is tomorrow evening and her school party is Friday afternoon. Then, school is finished until January 3!!

I hope your busy December is going well!

Processing

2010-12-07T18:58:00.003-06:00

I'm staring at the Christmas tree lights struggling to muster up some sort of joy.

The truth is this doesn't feel very joyous and probably won't this year.

Telling our child that her great grandfather has been given months to live was among the hardest things I've ever done. Watching her begin to process her feelings has been even harder. Modeling a grief that practices all the things I've preached to her is more difficult than I expected.

Do I really believe that God is sovereign even in this?

Do I really believe that Heaven is a better place?

Do I really believe that grief can be grace filled and, dare I say it, joy filled?

Yes, in every fiber that is in me. I believe yet I find myself praying that all too familiar prayer: “I believe—help me in my unbelief.”

At 41, I realize how unusual it is to still have 2 of my grandparents living. My maternal grandfather died when I was in 7^th grade. My maternal grandmother died 4 years ago. Nanny and Granddaddy have been fixture in my life.

In my mind, I suppose, Granddaddy has been put on a bit of a pedestal. I know he has faults and, truthfully, that is part of the reason I admire him so. His faults along with all the many good qualities make him uniquely Granddaddy.

He has always fascinated me. I was fascinated from a young age about the fact that he served in some of the heaviest fighting in World War II. I was in awe that he could have been so brave at such a very young age. Now, I know that the man I always thought so brave had a good, healthy dose of fear and would deal with guilt and the horrors of war for the rest of his life.

I remember realizing that he had been afraid and it endeared him to me even more. Despite his fear, he simply did what had to be done.

When I went through cancer, it was Nanny and Granddaddy who drove me to many of my therapy appointments and leg fittings. Granddaddy made it fun. I also heard him say a curse word for the first time when a deer ran in front of us and really messed up the front of my parents' car! Those trips are some of my fondest memories.

He and my Nanny have been married since 1944. Sixty six years. The majority of both their lives have been spent together. I simply can not imagine thinking of saying goodbye to the other half of yourself.

This Christmas will be probably be more subdued than others. I know tears will fall. It is just and good. Maybe there isn't a better time to be thankful for and to celebrate a life well lived, I don't know.

But for now as we process and pray for peace, wisdom, and comfort, I know that I am much more thankful for the baby in the manger and the cross on which He died.

The Very Last First Time--Or Possibly Just The Very Last Time

2010-12-06T08:58:00.004-06:00

There is a children's book that we read once or twice during our early home school years--The Very Last First Time. It is the story of a little girl who does something all by herself and she celebrates that it was the very last first time she would ever do that by herself.

This picture was Gracen's very last first time to have her picture made with Santa as a 10 year old. Turns out it was (as of this writing as a girl always has the prerogative to change her mind) her very last time as well.

She declined the trip to the mall to have her picture made with Santa.

It could have been just the thought of going to the mall which is beyond crowded or, more likely, that it just doesn't feel right this year.

She's growing and changing. Her conversations are deeper and full of a humor that is a blend of her father and of me but distinctly her own. Those deep conversations come at the oddest times and are usually quick, reminding me that I should be always ready and appreciative.

Her hugs come quicker as she's often going to this activity or that. I'm learning to stop and be fully in the moment.

This stage of her life also reminds me that we always said we would strive to enjoy each and every stage. Some were and are hard. There have been some that were unpleasant. There have been some that, honestly, tugged at my heartstrings. During some, I felt incredibly alone, tired, and so very lacking.

But all of those stages have led to this one. It is difficult--emotions run the full range sometimes in a very short period of time. But there as joy. Joy watching her learn to be patient with others and with herself, to be an encourager, to be a better friend--watching her heart grow.

I'm often reminded of just how "in between" she is. We got news on Friday that my grandfather has cancer. As I watched tears roll down Gracen's cheeks, she was very much the little girl who knows Granddaddy as fun loving, jovial, and a constant in her visits to my parents. Yet, there was a very grown up quietness about her for much of the afternoon as she processed the news.

As Gracen grows and changes, hopefully, so do we as her parents. Hopefully, prayerfully we become better parents to her.

And, prayerfully, we remain thankful for this incredible journey.

A Give Away!

2010-12-01T10:07:00.003-06:00

If you have never read It's Almost Naptime, well, it's about time.

Some of Missy's writings (most, actually) will make you laugh out loud and think deeply--most at the same time!

Today is really exciting because she is doing a give away from Paper Concierge--a wonderful stationary shop owned by Lynn Tootle--one of my friends from church.

Lynn's website will make you lust, if stationary is your thing. I love browsing through the site. I used one of the My Agenda calendars last year (similar to this) and was spoiled! There are many things that could easily go on my Christmas wish list and probably yours too.

Take a minute to visit Missy and enter for the giveaway--and please understand if I hope you don't win ;)!

Around The House

2010-11-29T13:11:00.010-06:00

The tree isn't up just yet. But there are other signs of Christmas all around the house. Placemats and napkin rings made by my grandmother adorn the table.

Our Advent mantle is up. The Advent wreath I had in mind for the coffee table would have surely been knocked off by Biscuit's tail!
Christmas books stacked on the hearth. A Santa that has seen lots of love keeps watch. This Santa has been in my family literally as long as I can remember. I don't know where he came from though--maybe Grandma made him?
The nativity scene that, again, has been a part of every Christmas I can remember. I think this was among the first Christmas decorations that my parents ever bought when they were first married.
Gold ornaments, the Santa collection, and our favorite copy of Twas the Night Before Christmas.
Happy little gingerbread in the kitchen.
And, finally, not a Christmas decoration but something I had been wanting to try.

I had been collecting frames (some plain, some a little more ornate--some re-purposed and some found at the thrift store) for a bit. I wanted a way to display some of my favorite photos but didn't want to permanently frame them; my favorites change quite frequently!
I spray painted them all lightly with black (just enough to tie them together) and hung them on the wall. Then I used some of my scrapbook tape to hold the pictures onto the wall.

I still have enough room for a few more so I'm on the lookout!

Thankful, I Am

2010-11-23T10:29:00.007-06:00

Fall has finally come to our neck of the Southern woods. The leaves have begun changing and falling almost at the same time!

I am enjoying this Thanksgiving season and really
don't want to begin the sprint into Christmas just yet!

I always hesitate to do an "I am thankful for" list
for some reason but here goes....

1) Jeff. The past couple of years have probably been two of the toughest we have had in 17 years of marriage. Through it all, he has continually shown amounts of grace, love, and support that simply amaze me. He has listened when tears and feelings probably didn't make much sense and has always believed that I am stronger and better than I am.

2) Gracen. Oh, the smiles, laughter, and joy she brings to us.

3) Extended family--grandparents, nieces and nephew (only one, right now), sisters, brothers-in-law, great grandparents. Each one is treasured and loved.

4) Friends that are, in many cases, like family.

5) A church home.

6) Books.

7) Flickering lights of great smelling candles.

8) Great music.

9) Conveniences/luxuries. Life could certainly be lived without them but is much simpler with them!

10) Pain. I've had more than I want but so much less than some. And, to be perfectly honest, I didn't want to put this on this list. I am quite simply tired of it. But, because of it, I've learned much.

"Thankfulness is a secret passageway into a room you can't find any other way. It is the wardrobe into Narnia. It allows us to find the rest of God--those dimensions of God's world, God's presence, God's character that are hidden, always, from the thankless." --Mark Buchanan
The Rest of God

Well, Hello

2010-11-16T12:32:00.003-06:00

Hello, Blog.

It's been a while.

Not because I haven't had things that have touched me enough to write about them--I have.

Not because I haven't had time to put fingers to keyboard--I have.

Something else has taken my time lately...

Last week, I ran in the library to return a book. A book that was so not great that I won't even put the title up.

Returning books usually involves pulling up at the drop box and quickly returning the book.

Because, you see, I have a disease. A disease that causes me to be unable to just run in the library. Going in the library, for me, involves a list and no less than 30 minutes.

But, on this day, for some strange reason, I decided to challenge myself. I was going to actually take the book in and then I was going to limit myself to 10 minutes (because that's all I had before I absolutely had to pick up the girl from school) to peruse only the shelves in the very front. These shelves usually hold new arrivals.

This was made even more humorous by the fact that my watch was dead (even a Timex needs a new battery every 3-4 years) and I was relying on my totally unreliable inner clock.

So, in I go. I returned the book and heard the siren's call of all the other books that I had banned myself from for this day (I resisted). I looked through the front shelves and, not being able to actually leave the library without something taking temporary residence on my card, I checked out two recent additions to the library.

One was The Personal History of Rachel DuPree by Ann Weisgarber. Not a bad read--it was actually a rather quick read. The story of Rachel DuPree's life from hired kitchen help to rancher's wife and mother of 5. A rancher's wife in the South Dakota badlands in the early 1900's--not an easy life.

The other book, oh, the other book. City of Tranquil Light by Bo Caldwell.

This book grabbed me almost from the start and didn't let go. It is the story of a Mennonite missionary to China in the early 1900's. The story tells of his mission work, his marriage to a fellow missionary, their extremely tough life, and most of all of their love story. These two were devoted to God, their work, and to each other.

I don't want to give too much of the story away because it is certainly worth your time to read but the end will make you shed a tear or three.

These books, picked on a whim, were by far two of the best I've read in a while--especially City of Tranquil Light.

What about you? Read anything good lately?

Book Reviews

2010-11-16T11:59:00.004-06:00

I received 2 books to review from Thomas Nelson Publishers.

The first was The Grace of God by Andy Stanley.

From the Publisher:

"Grace. It's what we crave most when our guilt is exposed. It's the very thing we are hesitant to extend when we are confronted with the guilt of others-especially when their guilt has robbed us of something we consider valuable.

Therein is the struggle, the struggle for grace. It's this struggle that makes grace more story than doctrine. It's the struggle that reminds us that grace is bigger than compassion or forgiveness. That struggle is the context for both. When we are on the receiving end, grace is refreshing. When it is required of us, it is often disturbing. But when correctly applied, it seems to solve just about everything. This struggle is not new; it has been going on since the beginning."

-Andy Stanley

We find in the pages of Scripture that the stories found there often mirror our own stories, and that we too need the very thing we do not deserve: the grace of God.

From the beginning, the church has had an uneasy relationship with grace. The gravitational pull is always toward graceless religion. The odd thing is that when you read the New Testament, the only thing Jesus stood against consistently was graceless religion. The only group he attacked relentlessly was graceless religious leaders.

Even now as you think about grace, there might be a little voice in your head whispering, "It can't be that easy!"

"What about obedience?"

"What about disobedience?"

"What about repeated misbehavior?"

"What about bad habits?"

"What about justice?"

"What about repentance?"

It's this tension that makes grace so slippery. But that's the beauty and the truth of grace. We don't deserve it. We can't earn it. It can't be qualified. But God gives it to us anyway because he loves us unconditionally.

The story of grace is your story. And as you are about to discover grace plays a larger role than you imagine.

My Thoughts:

This book was well done. It is a broad view of grace through the lens of several Biblical figures.

The writing style is clear, straightforward, and easily understood. The author's main points are in bold print. While this isn't a deep theological read, it is a wonderful, broad look at what can sometimes be a very complex topic.

The other book I received was Then Sings My Soul by Robert J. Morgan.

From the publisher:

Rob Morgan's unmistakable talent for storytelling continues to help reacquaint people with the hymns of the faithful. Then Sings My Soul has sold over 300,000 copies, and it's still going strong!

In Then Sings My Soul Book 2, these devotional-style stories brim with emotion and drama about the people whose faith led them to write the hymns, and about the people whose lives were changed by them. Designed to be personally reflective, these stories speak to your soul and add depth and meaning as you worship God through the beauty of song.

My Thoughts:

This book was full of interesting facts about various hymn writers and their hymns. There are "regular" Sunday hymns, Christmas hymns, Easter hymns.

Each song is present in its entirety (complete with the music, much to my husband's delight!) along with biography of the hymn writer and a brief narrative about the hymn itself.

This book is great to use to learn the history of some of our most beloved hymns.

**Thanks to Thomas Nelson for providing these books in exchange for my review.**